Duke Nukem: 20th Birthday & Retrospective

Hello fellow Otaku & Metalheads, and happy birthday!

On January 29, 1996, a little game by the name of Duke Nukem graced the world of gaming in all it’s testosterone-fueled glory. It was violent, over-the-top, filthy, and embodied all that was 80s & 90s. Duke Nukem 3d raised a stink back in the day, with it’s violence, sexual content, and language. Ironically, the origins of our ass kicking hero was far more humble. So to celebrate the occasion, lets take look back at Duke Nukem’s legacy, and see how our hero has grown over the decades.

Just a heads up: this won’t be covering the console exclusive Duke Nukem titles. While technically part of the franchise, I’ve never considered them to be true Duke games. To me, they’ve always been Tomb Raider knock-offs, but that’s just my opinion. Anyways, on with the retrospective!

Duke Nukem (1991)(Video)

Despite being a muscular action star, Duke Nukem would actually come from rather humble origins. Released on June 1, 1991, Duke Nukem was spread out over 3 episodes, with our hero battling the robotic army of Dr. Proton. However, this initial game was not without issues. For starters, there were legals worries that Duke Nukem’s name was infringing upon copyright (The Captain Planet cartoon had a character with the same name) and so to avoid a lawsuit, they changed Duke’s name to Duke Nukum in the 2.0 edition, but since Nukem didn’t have a copyright on it, so they changed it shortly afterwards. On top of that, the game had a very basic graphics engine. Instead of shifting individual pixels in the game world, and instead shifted 8x8 "blocks" (Other games during the time did this as well).

Best Aspect? Simplicity is the name of the game when it comes to Duke Nukem. All it is as follows: kill robots, find keys, fight episode boss, repeat. Considering the technological programming at the time, you really couldn’t do a whole lot then, but at the same time you really didn’t need much with Duke. He’s just there to kill stuff, and to save the world!

Worst Aspect? Age. Duke Nukem has aged horribly since 1991. While it has plenty of nostalgia going for it, it is immediately apparent that it’s over 2 decades old at this point. On top of that, our titular hero & villain were really just blank slates, despite having an incredibly basic background. The graphics certainly didn’t help things, as even by early 90s it looked old. If you’re playing through this series backwards, you’ll be in for a world of whiplash when you get to this game.

Duke Nukem. A relic from a bygone age, and while I’m not the biggest fan of it now, it deserves it’s place in history all the same. Next game!

Duke Nukem II (1993)(Walkthrough)

Not to be confused with the 2nd episode of the first game, Duke Nukem II was it’s own game. Released on December 3, 1993, Duke Nuken II was a step up from it’s predecessor. After the defeat of Dr. Proton, Duke returned to Earth, where he was treated as a celebrity for his deeds (He even wrote a book call Why I’m So Great, and was on talk shows about it). Sadly, the good times wouldn’t last long, as aliens from outer space were coming to conquer, and they capture Duke Nukem for his brain & the knowledge within. Luckily, he escapes, and does what Duke does best.....KILL AND BLOW UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!!!

Best Aspect? For one thing, the graphics! While still very dated by today’s standards, it’s very improved over the basic look & feel of the original game. Duke looks more intimidating when compared to the tiny sprite in the first game. The enemies looks better as well, and seem more lifelike (Lifelike at the time, at least). The levels are great as well, and because of the improved graphics, there’s more detail to them. You’ve got prisons, lava-filled caverns, and alien dens to traverse & blow up. Duke Nukem II also marks the first inclusion of music into the franchise, and while it sounds hokey nowadays, it’s still awesome to listen to as you defend the Earth from alien scum. Duke even has a small variety of weapons to pickup, ranging from his basic blaster, to rockets, to a laser that pierces targets, and a flamethrower that can double as a jetpack. They have a limited capacity, but you can pickup refills scattered in containers around the map.

Worst Aspect? Once again, age is Duke Nukem II’s biggest flaw. All of the problems in the first Duke Nukem game can be found here. In defense, however, it’s aged far better than it’s predecessor. The graphics are definitely improved, gameplay is a little more varied, and Duke’s character is fleshed out a little more, but only just.

Duke Nukem II. An improvement over it’s originator in many different ways, and reinforces what made 2d platforming so great on the PC way back in the day. Definitely recommended. Next game!

Duke Nukem 3d (1996)(Walkthrough)

And here we come to the star of today’s post. Released on January 29, 1996, Duke Nukem 3d burst onto the shooter scene, and it’s impact was immediately felt by all! Gone was the cartoonish aspects of the first two game, and instead a more grittier & adult look/feel was used instead. There was gore, swearing, nudity, and over-the-top action that rivaled action movies of the 80s & 90s. Standing tall was Duke Nukem himself. Gone was this caricature, and instead a badass was given to the gaming world. While he was fighting the aliens from the previous game, another extraterrestrial force invaded Earth, destroying civilization & kidnapping our women. A badass that trumped the likes of Chuck Norris, Duke Nukem kicked ass, chewed bubblegum, and left a mark on the gaming landscape that still hasn’t recovered from his mighty boot.

However, I must dispel a myth about Duke Nukem 3d. Mainly, the fact that this game isn’t 3d! The engine that was used was instead 2.5d, or 2 ½d if you wanted to be a little more derogatory. Instead of using a real 3d engine, a bunch of 2-dimensional layers were placed down on each other, giving the illusion of 3d graphics. It worked quite well back in 96, and to a small degree the illusion still hold up today (Despite it’s issues).

Best Aspect? Despite being a game that’s now 20 years old, it has aged remarkably well. Despite it not being true 3d, there’s still a surprising amount of detail to everything from levels to enemies, and the atmosphere still feels fresh & exciting. Enemies are varied, ranging from mutated pig cops (Hehe, pigs) to psychic Octobrains, and it’s fun to kill everything in sight, except for the human Babes, cause if they die, foes will teleport in to kill you. Duke himself is another bright point, as he is now a fully fleshed out (Yet still basic) character. Jon St. John’s voice also adds to the character, as he provides the right amount of humor & badass with each line spoken. The selection of weapons are pretty awesome as well, ranging from the standard pistol & shotgun, to the wacky Shrink Ray & Freezethrower. Duke also has a nice selection of items as well, ranging from a portable medkit, to steroids that increase Duke movement speed to ridiculous proportions. The pop culture references have aged surprisingly well also, and while one or two of them are dated (The O.J. Simpson jokes were relevant then, but are rather basic nowadays), you can easily identify where said references came from.

Worst Aspect? If you’ve read my Top 10 Games post from September of last year, you know that I hold this game in high regard. It’s also doesn’t help the fact that I’ve met Jon St. John, the voice of Duke, numerous times when he appeared at Connecticon. With those two things, you think I wouldn’t have anything to criticize, but there are some small things I can nitpick. There’s some levels that are designed weird (Especially in the 2nd episode), enemy spawns sometimes were odd, and due to the semi-fake 3d graphics, enemies didn’t sync when you looked up or down at them. There’s are other small things I could gripe about, but I won’t waste your time with them.

Before I go onto the next game, I want to talk about the extra content. First coming from 3d Realms was the Atomic Edition of Duke Nukem 3d. In addition to fixing some bugs from the main game, this expansion added a new episode (The Birth), a new gun (Microwaver), and a few new enemies (Pig Cops in tanks, an alien guard, and the aquatic Alien Queen). Apart from that, 3d Realms was done with Duke.....in a sense. Shortly after the Atomic Edition’s release, they began work on perhaps the most infamous title in the franchise, but that didn’t stop other companies from getting in on the action. Two companies in particular were known for their work, Sunstorm Interactive & the infamous Simply Silly Software. Sunstorm would go on to release two classic packs, the patriotic Duke it Out in D.C., and the hokey & cheery Duke Caribbean: Life’s a Beach. Simply Silly Software would release Duke: Nuclear Winter, but that would become famous for all the wrong reasons. There were other groups that were putting out plenty of unauthorized packs as well, but those releases tended to focus more on the multiplayer aspect of Duke Nukem 3d rather than the singleplayer.

Duke Nukem 3d, an absolute classic among a sea of 90s shooters. If you want to find out what made gaming so good on the PC in the 90s, it wouldn’t be wrong to start with this gem among gems. Next game!

Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project (2002)(Walkthrough)

Although it’s not part of this series proper (This is a spin-off), I feel I should talk about this entry into the hallowed halls of Duke Nukem’s game library. Released on May 12, 2002, Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project was developed by those scamps Sunstorm Interactive (And published by Arush Entertainment) as a way to celebrate the original game’s 10 year anniversary. We find our titular hero in New York City, as Mech Morphix is unleashing radioactive G.L.O.P.P. (Gluon Liquid Omega-Phased Plasma) into the city, creating an army of mutants from anything it touches. Along with his advanced robotics, he plans to take over NYC, but Duke won’t stand for it! On a side note, Mech Morphix was not this game’s original villain: it was originally intended for Doctor Proton to be the main baddie, but they changed this so there wouldn’t be any continuity issues with Duke Nukem Forever.

Best Aspect? For starters, the graphics are improved! Manhattan Project forgoes the 2d presentation of it’s forbearers, and instead utilizes full 3d graphics. They haven’t aged quite as well as Duke Nukem 3d’s engine, but they still look pretty good for an early 2000's game, and still provide plenty of atmosphere. Despite the enemies being just mutants & robots, they provide plenty of old-school feel, and are a blast to kill. The pig cops are back in full force (Some are decked out in riot gear, others feel like the classic DN3d pig cops), but you’ve also got mutated roaches, rats, alligators (Who are Asian, by the way), flies, and all sorts of robotic foes, not the least including the mecha-babes. Duke’s arsenal will feel very familiar as well, as DN3d staples like the pistol, shotgun, pipebomb, and RPG make a triumphant return, but new weapons including a reverse mutator gun (Which also shorts out mechanical units), a BFG like electrical cannon, and even a secret thunder gun that blasts everything off screen (You have to unlock this, but it’s definitely worth it). In addition to looking for keycards, you’ve also have the added mission to rescue one babe per level in each episode. It varies the gameplay within, despite what I’ll be saying below. Also, the old-school style platforming is a treat, especially with how modern games were in the early 2000s. It’ll feel like you’re playing an old-school Duke Nukem game, for better or for worse.

Worst Aspect? While the transformation from 2d to 3d definitely changed the feel of things, the gameplay is remarkably similar to Duke Nukem 1 & 2. Despite the inclusion of rescuing babes, things become repetitive rather quickly, maybe even more so than the games that Manhattan Project is emulating. Apart from that, my only other complaint would be Duke’s language. We’ve got the return of Jon St. John, and he still provides an awesome voice for Duke, but I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems like he almost never swears. Apart from saying “Ass” every once in a while, the only other swear word he says is “Fuck”, but even then it’s only in one line, and it’s censored as well.

Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project is an awesome blast from the past. If you preferred Duke Nukem in an older playstyle, or have a nostalgic itch you need to scratch, I definitely recommend this title. Next game!

Duke Nukem Forever (2011)(Walkthrough)

Duke...Nukem...Forever. A very infamous title, this entry into the Duke Nukem franchise will be turning 5 years old this coming summer, but it’s legacy is far older. Shortly after the release of the Atomic Edition of Duke Nukem 3d, development for the first incarnation of DNF begun, and it would utilize the then popular Quake engine. However, newer & newer graphics engines kept coming out, and 3d Realms would cancel whatever version they were working on to make an edition to accommodate the new system they acquired, and they would repeat this process over the course of 14 years (This is the short version. Trust me when I say the saga of this game requires it’s own post). Then, on June 14, 2011, Duke Nukem Forever was released.....to rather poor reactions. Trust me when I say that this game was slammed hard in the first couple weeks of it’s release. Given that time moved out from the mid-90s, the gaming environment was dominated by the likes of Call of Duty, Battlefield, and Halo. In fact, some reviewers even tried to compare DNF to Call of Duty. Even though I’m a fan of that previously mention franchise, I’m flat-out offended that reviewers & critics would even dare try to do that!

Best Aspect? How about the fact that the game finally came out!? Yes, it’s got problems. A lot of problems! Despite that, Duke Nukem Forever has a bunch of good things going for it as well. Graphically, DNF is superior to everything that’s come before it. There’s a depth to the levels, characters, and enemies that hasn’t been seen in previous Duke Nukem games. Levels feel realistic, enemies are alive, and the various NPCs don’t come across as place holders. DNF’s arsenal is great as well, as it’s a mix between the familiar & new (New weapons include an alien missile launcher & expander). Old alien foes return, but new ones appear as well (Alien fighters are particularly deadly).  The pop culture references return in force, and are far more current (At least they were in 2011) than the references in Duke Nukem 3d. However, the star of this game is Duke himself. Once again heading the role is Jon St. John, and this may be his best performance yet! This game’s incarnation of Duke is far more vulgar & filthy than anything before, and he revels in his macho-ness & badassitude. The action is pretty good too, as there are many set-pieces that let you vent your frustration on the invading aliens. Vehicles make an appearance as well, and while they’re only used in some levels, the areas they are used in are a blast, not the least of which was Duke’s monster truck. If you are standing in front of it, then it’s just time for the grim reaper to meet you.

Worst Aspect? Well, how about the fact that it took 14 years to make!? I understand that 3d Realms wanted to stay cutting edge when it came to graphics, and thus they changed things up whenever something new came to the scene, but pick something & stay with it! Also, while I said that the graphics were improved over previous Duke Nukem games, it still felt dated when compared to the graphics of 5 years ago. Some of the aliens & NPCs felt & moved stiff at times, textures were sometimes meh, and you occasionally get the feeling that there could have been more done. Gameplay felt far more like a console shooter than a PC shooter. You couldn’t save the game yourself, as checkpoints replaced that. You could only hold 2 guns (A later expansion expanded this to 4 guns), your inventory & items you could pickup were very limited. Even Duke’s health was very console oriented, as it was regenerating instead of pickup items to heal yourself. You can definitely tell what 3d Realms/Gearbox Software were trying to go for. Ugg!

Duke Nukem Forever. Definitely deserving of criticism & hate, but maybe not as much as it received (And still receives today). If you can get past it’s faults, you’ll find DNF to be an over-the-top & fun experience. Recommended, but cautiously recommended.

Duke Nukem 3d: 20th Anniversary World Tour (2016) ***

Duke Nukem Forever, while appeasing die-hard fans, did more damage to the king's reputation than help. The lack of post-launch content didn't help matters either (Although the singleplayer expansion, The Doctor Who Cloned Me, had some nostalgic fun), as there was barely anything released. 2013 fared better, with the release of the Megaton Edition (Base game + the 3 previously mentioned expansions, which got taken down earlier this year), but something more had to be done. Que a month or two ago, with the announcement of Duke Nukem 3d: 20th Anniversary World Tour. Released just a few days ago this month (The 11th, to be specific), the World Tour is a fantastic return of Duke, as he introduces himself to a new generation of gamers, while getting reacquainted with his longtime fans.

(For the purposes of "Best Aspect", I'll strictly be talking about the new content for the most part)

Best Aspect? For starters, the 3d rendering that was included was a great touch. Kind of like the Halo Anniversary edition from a few years ago, there are the original graphics included, along with a modern texture & lighting update. You can still tell that the game comes from the mid 90s, but with the new textures/lighting applied, things look far more better than they did before, and it finally deserves the title of "3d". Lighting comes across as more realistic as well, and it's more convincing that ever before. I should note that this isn't applied to just the new episode, but instead is used in all of the episodes, and can be toggled in game on the PC by using the C key.

Secondly, the new episode, titled "Alien World Order", is a blast! While it can be short (I beat it in around 2 hours), the levels themselves are fantastic. Original level designers (Including the iconic Levellord himself) were brought in to create new places to kill aliens. On top of these new levels, they all take place in a different part of the world. Amsterdam, Russia, and Egypt (Where a Serious Sam secret lies) are just a few of the places the Dukester wages war. They're all designed quite well, and feel far more organic than most modern FPS levels are to this day. The Egypt level is my favorite, as it lampoons an iconic sci-fi from the 90s, but I won't spoil it for you. You're just gonna have to play the game to find out what it is.

A minor good point (Connected to what's above) would be the inclusion of some new in-game content. We're given a new alien to fight in the form of the Firefly. Carrying a wicked flamethrower, the Firefly can shrink itself so Duke has a harder time hitting it, and when it dies it has a chance of dropping it's weapon. Known as the Incinerator, this device roasts aliens like like a pig at a barbecue. It's got a bit of an arc, and hitting aerial foes takes a little bit of work, but one shot can burn most enemies to a crisp! 

A final positive point would be the return of John St. Jon & Lee Jackson! The original voice of Duke Nukem has return for another go around in his old stomping grounds, and it's wonderful to hear from him. He returns to re-record all of his old lines, and spares some time to speak some new ones. It is a little weird to hear Duke speak when older sound effects go off (More on this in a sec), but I appreciate his voice all the same. This also applies to Lee Jackson, the original composer of Duke Nukem 3d! Mr. Jackson came back to create some all new pieces for Alien World Tour, with 7 original pieces & 1 revision to blast through your speakers. Mixing with the new levels & Duke lines, and it turns into a wonderful cacophony of badass noise!

Worst Aspect? I honestly only have small gripes with the World Tour. While there were renewed lines from Duke himself, the original sounds didn't get any updates. If anything, the original sounds come across as dated. By comparison, the sounds in prior edition still sound great. Hearing the new duke lines at the same time as the aliens grunt their old sounds comes across as confusing. The only other thing I can remember playing through "Alien World Order" is how difficult some fights can be. Even playing on the 3rd difficulty, some encounters seemed to be stacked against the player, and the end result was death more than victory.

Duke Nukem 3d: 20th Anniversary World Tour. It might be a little aggravating that the Megaton Edition was taken off Steam for this, but there's still plenty of fun to be hand. For a 20th anniversary celebration, this was quite wonderful. Definitely recommended!

And this concludes the birthday celebrations. Duke Nukem 3d, you made our childhood awesome, and you continue to be awesome to this very day! Here’s a glass in your honor. In the meantime I’ll see you next week when the first piece of proper material for this blog. Until then, kick ass & chew bubblegum, but never run out of bubblegum!


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Apologies for the rush job. I admit that this post was a little last minute, and as such might not be as good of quality as some of my other posts. Hope you don’t mind!

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(Updated on 10/14/2016, 7:39, Eastern Standard Time)

My Top 10 Books

Hello fellow Otaku & Metalheads, and welcome to my 5th top 10 list!

This time around, I wanted to show all of you my top 10 favorite books. This one was a bit of a challenge compared to the others: it wasn’t because of what was going to be on the list, cause I knew immediately what was going to be on here (With maybe 1 or 2 exceptions). What was going to be a challenge was how I would present them. Unlike the others top 10 lists, there’s really no way I can show you a book. Instead, I’ve got quotes from the books in question to show, as they’ll give you a glimpse as to what’s contained within. Since I got my 2014 posts revised, I wanted to give you all a little content before I went & fixed up last year’s posts (That will take a bit). With that said, here are my top 10 books of all time. Enjoy!

10) Harry Potter Franchise
“Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets - but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.”

I think it’s a safe bet to say that just about anybody from my generation (And maybe some individuals from the previous generation) has read the Harry Potter books, or has at least heard of them. Hell, not only did I read the books, but my friends, my parents, and even my friend Isabelle that I work for on-and-off reads Harry Potter....and she’s 81!

There’s definitely some kind of magic in this series. Not the “Teaches Kids Magic” BS that the Conservative Christians (Not the nice ones, btw) talk about, but the magic of reading. This was a book that continued to help me with my reading skills, and once that was over with, I continued to read the series, simply because of how engrossing the story & characters were. J.K. Rowling created a really unique series within the world of Harry Potter. One of which where young readers aren’t talked down to or assumed to be idiots, and one where younger people learn from adults, and adults can sometimes learn from the young people. Not many kids books today can even hope to obtain a glimmer of what made Harry Potter successful, and I definitely recommend it.

9) A Million Little Bricks
“As the LEGO Group has passed from one generation to the next, so have it’s toys. Plastic boxes filled with bricks stored away for years are dug out for children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews or for oneself-as if instinctively we know never to throw them away. And why would we? The quality pf Lego toys is clear; any child no matter his age or abilities can enjoy them, and they’re as relevant today as ever-no matter what crazes kids are into, the LEGO brick never goes out of fashion.”

While I’m almost 30 years old, one thing that I still like now as much when I was young is Legos. I absolutely love them. There’s still some cools sets out there I love to pick up, and to build them. I certainly don’t play with them, but they make for great desk decorations. So it was a big surprise when I saw a book at my friend Isabelle’s house one day (She was going to give to a friend for a 2012 Christmas gift), and it immediately grabbed my childhood wonder.

The actual title of this book is A Million Little Bricks: The Unofficial Illustrated History of the LEGO Phenomenon. It’s a really interesting read, filled with facts about the past history of the Lego Group. On top of that, there’s plenty of pictures within the pages, including the old woodcutting equipment that they first used, all the way to the plastic & robotics that they use now. It was also a treat to see what sets that I had when I was younger, and the sets that I never got. If you want to know more about one of the biggest toy companies in the world, then this is certainly your best option.

8) Good Eats: The Early/Middle/Later Years
“One Day, back in the summer of 1992, I decided I wanted to make a television food show. I wasn’t going to let the fact that I was little more than a hobbyist cook get in the way. The odyssey that followed became the program Good Eats, which has managed to hold its own on the Food Network for over a decade. (It even won a Peabody Award, which is a pretty big deal.)”

While I don’t cook a lot in my household, I’m certainly interested in the science of how we cook our food. If you’ve looked at my Top 10 Movies & TV Shows post, you’ll certainly remember that the Good Eats TV show got to number 5 on the TV portion of the list, and these books certainly don’t disappoint. Each book shows off recipes from a point in the show’s history (Early Years = First Seasons of the Show, Middle for the middle seasons, and Later for...you know), listing off facts, background information, and plenty of things that the viewers of the show may not know about. And then there’s the recipes, or applications, as Alton Brown calls them. They’re very good dishes, with cooking methods just as varied as the recipes themselves. The reason why these three books aren’t higher on the list is because that there are recipes that are either altered in some way, or not put into the book altogether. If every single unaltered dish was put into each of the books, I would have put these a little further down the list. They’re still good to read though, and there’s facts worth remembering.

7) Dungeons & Dragons: Player’s Handbook (3rd Edition)
“When you play the Dungeons & Dragons game, you create a unique fictional character that lives in your imagination and the imaginations of your friends. One person in the game, the Dungeon Master (DM), controls the monsters and people that live in the fantasy world. You and your friends face the dangers and explore the mysteries that your Dungeon Master sets before you.”

It’s been quite a while since I played Dungeons & Dragons. With where I live, I’m not near anyone that knows how to play (Although I knew people who knew about D&D near where I lived). It was actually my Mother that introduced me to the game, since she played it way back when first/second edition was around. Anyways, back when I had my 14th birthday, the first book I got was the Player’s Handbook not long after 3rd Edition came out. Now I had played RPGs before, but they were typically on the computer. Dungeons & Dragons marked the first time I ever played a Pen-and-Paper role-playing game.

As for the book, I have to say that it’s still fun to read. True, 3rd Edition (And to a lesser extent, 3.5 Edition) has been overshadowed by 4th & 5th Edition from Wizards of the Coast, and Pathfinder from Paizo Publishing (Ironically, Paizo Publishing also put out two of my favorite magazines, Dragon, and Dungeon), but there are still some interesting ideas withing some of the mechanics. It might be hard to find 3rd Edition & 3.5 Edition books these days, but if you’re looking for them, make the Player’s Handbook the first one you read!

6) Shogun: Volumes 1 & 2
“The gale tore at him and he felt it’s bite deep within and he knew that if they did not make landfall in three days they would all be dead. Too many deaths on this voyage, he thought, I’m Pilot-Major of a dead fleet. One ship left out of five-eight and twenty men from a crew of one hundred and seven and now only ten can walk and the rest near death and out Captain-General one of them. No food, almost no water and what there is, brackish and foul.”

I’m usually not a fan of serious novels (Ironic, given how serious Harry Potter could get). The main reason being that when things got too serious, it ruined whatever experience I had. Shogun marked one of the few times that I enjoyed a serious novel, not to mention serious situations. It also doesn’t help the fact that this series takes place during the height of Japan’s late medieval empire, where the various warlords were fighting for control of the land, and the Portugese/Dutch/English were trying to gain religions, political, and trade influence within the country. It also doesn’t help the fact that I’m somewhat of a Japanophile, and some of my friends are also.

Anyways, the reason why Shogun made it so high on the list is because so much of it is based off of actual events. Taking place a couple months before the iconic “Battle of Sekigahara”, many of the characters are based off of real-life people. The daimyo Toranaga is based on the real ruler Tokugawa Ieyasu, and the heroics of John Blackthorne are based off of the exploits of English sailor William Adams. These real life events & figures create for a great read, and it is one that you should never miss!

5) Ministry: The Lost Gospels According To Al Jourgensen & Soul On Fire: The Peter Steele Biography

“You know you’re in trouble when you try to say goodbye to your wife and all you can do is gargle blood. I was dying. Well, that was nothing new. I’d tempted fate for more than four decades. I’ve had kidney failure; liver failure; hepatitis A, B, and C; and I tried to invent D, but all the doctors I saw were too dumb to grasp my creativity. I lost a toe, all my teeth, and nearly an arm, and I’d overdosed on heroin twice and had to be resuscitated.”
&
“Pass the wing jug around wherever you are, Peter. Whoever is in your circle of friends and family now loves you like the rest of us among the living do. We’re all with you, man, laughing and crying and triumphing right along with you.”

I’ve definitely read my share of biographies. Movie stars, musicians, wrestlers, and politicians are just some of the figures I’ve read in these kinds of books. While I’ve definitely enjoyed some of these biographies, the bio written by Ministry’s legendary frontman Al Jourgensen was the first that I immediately loved. Not enjoyed, but loved!

The stories contained in the lost gospels are nothing short of shocking. You’ve definitely heard stories about Al Jourgensen, but this book is the definite story of one of the most crude, rude, angry, yet utterly kind & brilliant singers in metal history. From his birth, to his most recent (2012/2013) past, you see just about every facet of this man’s life. These stories are so out there, so shocking, that it’s far to hard to not believe them, and it’s this shock value that keeps me addicted to the pages within.

The same can be said for Soul On Fire, the biography on Type-O Negative’s frontman Pete Steele. Sadly, it was not written by Mr Steele (Since he’s been dead since 2010), but his dark & gothic essence is infused into each & every word. Jeff Wagner’s writing is very good, and if Pete Steele couldn’t write his life, then a diehard fan of Type-O Negative is the next best thing. Filled with pictures from all through out Pete’s life, stories, words of wisdom from his friends & family, and interesting facts round out a fantastic read. Even if you’ve never listened to anything from this band, it is worth grabbing just for a look into one of Heavy Metal’s most colorful figures.

4) Dante’s Inferno
“he had three faces: one in front bloodred;
and then another two that, just above
the midpoint of each shoulder, joined the first;
and at the crown, all three were reattached;
the right looked somewhat yellow, somewhat white;
the left in its appearance was like those
who come from where the Nile, descending, flows”

Classic literature isn’t necessarily my forte. It’s not that I have read any classic books, cause a part of my library is made up of some famous novels. It’s just that I’m not necessarily a fan of fancy things, but just like horror there are always exceptions.

My acquisition of Dante’s Inferno is kind of a funny story. Way back in 2005, an at the time friend and I were watching a documentary on the History Channel about the history of Hell. From it’s religious origins, to it’s implementation in Christianity & pop culture, there was a wealth of information that I didn’t know about. At one point, the documentary went into detail about Dante’s Inferno, and the equally famous author, Dante Alighieri. It was so fascinating to me, that I wanted to get a copy of this book, and sure enough, my Mom grabbed one for me just a couple weeks later.

If there was any complaint, it would be in it’s writing. Alighieri opted for a poetic style of writing, so the story is played out like a poem. It can be very confusing if you’re not used to poetry, but if you read through it a couple times, then you’ll eventually be able to understand how he does things. Even if you can understand Alighieri’s way of writing, the imagery he conjures up is nothing short of impressive. From the river Styx where the wrathful thrash around, to the frozen lake Cocytus (Greek Spelling: Kokytos) where the traitors are frozen for all eternity, the imagery of Hell is somehow both nightmarish yet oddly beautiful. A book to entertain, and educate.

3) The Nazi Occult War: Hitler’s Compact With The Forces Of Evil
“Adolf Hitler’s impact on the world is unprecedented and unparalleled. In the twelve short years he left an indelible impact on history and the consequences of many of his actions continue to affect the world today. Even during his lifetime he was as much a myth as a human being and with the increasing distance of years his figure still fascinates to a unique degree; if anything he has become even more like a cartoon villain than a real individual.”

One of the things that disappoints me is how World War 2 is nowhere nearly as taught in schools as it once was. It was by far one of the most important periods in our world’s history: both the best of humanity, and the worst of humanity, came out of the woodwork to leave their mark on the world (For better or worse). The subject has become increasingly important to me in recent years, as I’ve becomes friends with many WW2 veterans (One of which was a Japanese P.O.W., and became my adopted Grandmother. Another was a woman who lived in Berlin during the length of the war, but sadly she’s no longer here), and became acquaintances with many more.
                                               
With this book, you read about a side of the war that’s rarely if ever seen in the history classes. Inside The Nazi Occult War, you learn about the Nazi’s reliance & obsession with their pagan past, not to mention occult forces both obscure & well known in mythology. The Nazi ideology becomes more terrifying once who read about it’s arcane aspect, infused with heavy amounts of sexism, racism, and plain ignorance of history that conflict with their interests. It’s all the more horrific when you realize that they might have been onto something, and it’s only because of their own stupidity that they failed. If you want to read about a more obscure piece of history, you’ll want to pick this book up.

2) Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal
“I was eight years old, sitting in my uncle’s bedroom at my grandparents’ house, going through his vinyl. I pulled out the first Black Sabbath record. There’s woods and a witch, and I’m a little kid looking at this going, “What is this? This is scary.” And my uncle goes, “That’s Black Sabbath. They’re acid rock.” I’m like, “What’s acid rock?””

An absolute blast of a read! I found out about this book around the spring/early-summer of 2014, and thus marks it as the most recent item on this list. Part entertainment & part history, this book is perfect for any fan of Heavy Metal, or even music fans in general. Spanning decades, Louder Than Hell delves into the original of metal, the metal of old, and the current incarnations of metal, the book also covers the history of the more classic sub-genres, like Thrash or Death Metal. Once again, read this book!

Before we get to my number 1 Book, I wanted to give you some of my Honorable Mentions in this category. Books that, while very enjoyable, just didn’t make the cut. Maybe it’s because of the book’s reputation, my emotions when I’m reading it, or whatever other reason comes to mind. With that said, here they are:

HM1) The Frugal Gourmet Celebrates Christmas
“How do you thank and recognize those who have made your memories of Christmases past? I think of my old boy Scout troop, Troop 126, and Bert Hobbes, our scoutmaster. Every year we sold hundreds of Christmas trees, and it was a real operation. The kids in the troop who had little money traveled with us on all camping trips for the whol year, all from Christmas tree sales.”
- Iiiiiiiiiiiii was a little hesitant to put this book in this post, much less in this portion. Considering that Jeff Smith was charged with sexual abuse in 1997, putting something from a supposed child molester on here made me a little nervous (The abuse allegations effectively killed his television career, although he continued his writing & charity work for a little longer afterwards). What ultimately convinced me to put this book here was it’s content: equal parts history, family memories, and fantastic recipes, The Frugal Gourmet Celebrates Christmas is a cookbook that people who like to make stuff around the holidays. Just be sure you’re comfortable with the stigma.

HM2) Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps
“I had been prepping my return to the WWE for three months and it didn’t seem like it had been two years since I was gone. It didn’t seem like eight years since I’d debuted their either. It felt like only yesterday that I was standing in the gorilla position at the All-State arena in Chicago, as the clocked ticked down to zero...”
- As I was saying when I was talking about Al Jourgensen & Pete Steele’s books, most other autobiographies seem bogus to me. Going back to my love of wrestling, Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps is simultaneously entertaining yet pathetic. For starters, Chris Jericho happened to write this book. If you’ve even had passing glances at WWE, chances are you’ve seen Chris Jericho at least once or twice. He’s always been one of those wrestlers who’s not afraid to speak what he believes in, despite any danger to his career. He’s written quite the colorful novel, detailing a good majority of his career. Where the pathetic nature comes in is the politics of WWE: stories have been swirling around for years about the kind of things that the company have done, and some pretty damning stuff can be found here. If you interested in one of wrestling’s more colorful individuals, you can’t do anything wrong when you buy this.

HM3) Howard Stern’s Private Parts
“You wake up in the morning. You eat a little breakfast, maybe read the newspaper. If you’re lucky enough, you’re married. You yell at your wife, you make up with your wife. If your testicles feel all right, you bang your wife. You watch a video you rented or maybe you go out to the movies. The secret of life is so simple. That’s life. If you have kids, you live with the kids. You don’t move out on your wife. You stay with her even if you’ve banged her nine thousand times and you’re sick of it. Nobody follows that. That’s the secret to life.”
- I wasn’t sure whether or not to put this here. This was definitely making this list, but it certainly wasn’t getting onto the top 10. The reason is quite simple: Howard Stern is a dick! There’s definitely been some individuals I’ve encountered in my time on this Earth (Both personally & long-distance), but Mr. Stern is definitely one of the most offensive. Some of his opinions are based on half-truths, while others are the essence of spite, ignorance, and hate. Yet, I have to give Howard some respect. Sure, he’s highly venomous when he speaks, but he certainly isn’t afraid of the consequences. He’s a man who clearly isn’t afraid of anybody & anything, and will fight to the death to speak what he wants. This attitude is what gets Howard Stern’s Private Parts into my Honorable Mentions mini-list, but only just.

1) Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day & The Polar Express
“My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my marble went down the drain, and I had to wear my railroad-train pajamas. I hate my railroad-train pajamas”
&
“On Christmas Eve, many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently. I was listening for a sound-a sound a friend had told me I’d never hear-the ringing bells of Santa’s sleigh.”

It’s bizarre that I’m concluding this list with children’s books. I’m nearly 30 years old, and you’d expect a more mature read to take up this spot. What gets these children’s classics up to my number 1 is because of two things: these were the first, if not two of the first, books I’ve ever read. Secondly, these books have some of the most effective messages for kids that’s ever been written.

Basically, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is about the experiences of one of the author’s sons. To sum things up, the kid goes through the kind of Hell that kids around his age: getting picked on by his brothers, getting in trouble at school and his dad’s job, and all other sorts of bad things. It gets so bad, the son wants to move to Australia to get away from it all. But right at the end, the mother comes to him, and basically says that “Everybody has bad days, even for people who live in Australia.” Just that one sentence makes me remember the entire book, and somehow, someway, I still hold onto the simple lessons it taught me when I was that age.

The Polar Express is a good companion to Alexander. A story about the power of Christmas, it details one boy’s journey (Along with many other children) to the North Pole, all through the power of the steam train known as the Polar Express (Hence the name of the book). The trip is marvelous, and it all culminates in a stop at Santa’s city, with the boy getting a silver bell from one of the reindeer that pulls Santa’s sleigh. On his way home he discovers that he lost the bell, but is helpless. Fortunately, he gets it back on Christmas Day, but his parents (And eventually his sister Sarah) could no longer hear the pristine sound it makes. However, as it says in the book: “Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me as it does for all who truly believe.”

No greater words have ever been spoken in a children’s book. Ever!

So this was my top 10 books. This was one of the more challenging of my top 10 lists, but I was happy to do it! Come back early next month, when we’ll start things off with a metal overview that’s a little........Nu, perhaps?

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year fellow Otaku & Metalheads!

Well, 2016 is now upon us. Despite the sad news in recent months, I'm looking forward to what will come this year. I've already got some things planned for the blog. I'm not ready to make content yet: before I get stuff up, I plan on doing an entire sweep of the material I have up right now. Fixing spelling errors, proper labeling of posts, and checking to see if any of the links in said posts still work properly (as well as replacing/taking away ones that don't). This will take up a little bit of January, but I might be able to fit in something in towards the end of the month.

What I can tell you, however, is what I've got planned for this year. I've got a new article series in the works titled "Which is Better?", a look at whether the manga or anime of a particular series is better. I'm also planning to squeeze out more of my "Obscurus Metalus" album reviews (They're tricky little buggers!), my typical look at anime & specific episodes, as well as the standard album reviews. What I'm most excited to do is more Metal Overview! In 2015, I managed to write up 5 articles in the series, and I enjoyed do them. This year, I plan on doing a lot more. Like, maybe 8 of them. Potentially even ten! Granted, some of the bands I have in mind have smaller discographies than others, but that's probably why I might be able to get in more than normal.

There's also a special plan I have this coming summer....but that'll have to wait.

In the meantime, it's 2016! It's a brand new year, complete with brand new opportunities in life! I hope you all have a great year, and I hope happiness comes your way!