Album Review: Alestorm's Curse Of The Crystal Coconut (Revised)

The end of the first month of 2025 is already here somehow fellow Otaku & Metalheads.

So, uh, we’re somehow still standing everybody. Sure, the cheeto is now back in power, and has molested the country in a few ways that would make a pimp crap themselves, and there’s now the thought that he’ll screw things up so bad we might not be here in the future, but we are all here right NOW. In an effort to somehow infuse all of us with some kind of positivity, today’s review might be the start of that! As you can tell, I’m taking a revised look at Curse Of The Crystal Coconut, which I looked at once before back in 2020 during the final portion of my 2nd Power Metal Pandemoniun. Time has changed in the near 5 years since then, but has my opinion on the record changed? Well, find a bottle of the strongest rum, sharpen your cutlass, and take a look at my revised review of Alestorm’s 2020 release, Curse Of The Crystal Coconut. Let’s begin!
                                        
Background
Taken from my original review:

“As the years went on for Alestorm, their musical craftsmanship improved from album to album. From Captain Morgan’s Revenge to No Grave But The Sea, there was a clear advancement and evolution of the band’s musical talent & taste. However, this crew of musical scallywags didn’t rest on their treasure chests and rum barrels, and so they decided to set out on another musical voyage. On the 8th of January, 2020, our boys from Scotland would reveal the name of their new adventure, and on the 29th of May within the same year, Curse Of The Crystal Coconut would be released to us cutthroats and drunkards in such a plagued time. The album was received very well across the board: while there were some that gave it a more neutral rating, the consciences seems to be that the album is a worthy addition to Alestorm’s musical treasure horde.”

Basic Description
Silly pirate fun!

I spoke of it in 2020, but I said in my original review that I really appreciated the good hearted humor of Curse Of The Crystal Coconut. Back then I said I loved it because it helped make that plague-ridden time easier to go through, and to a certain extent that’s what the record is going to be doing this year. Even taking a brief mention of politics out of the picture, Alestorm are top to bottom going down the goofy road hard, and it doesn’t let up at any point.

Best Track
I said it back in 2020, and I’ll say it again here, but the duo of Treasure Chest Party Quest & Tortuga still slaps! These two songs are practically night & day, as the former is basically a rap song gone metal, and the later is a metal song gone rap. Regardless of which style they pursue, both tracks have plenty of quality instrumentation & vocal work, not to mention plenty of Alestorm’s modern humor. This is especially evident in the music videos for both tunes, as they don’t let up with all of the comedy, memes, and even the trolling I originally talked about back in 2020. There’s plenty of other good songs, but you can’t skip these two at all!

Treasure Chest Party Quest

Tortuga

Worst Track
I said back in the original review that the only real fault lies with the band’s seemingly excessive trolling on this record. In hindsight, I’m not exactly sure why I said that, save for maybe some of the lyrics in a few of the songs. However, one thing I will say this time around is Alestorm’s seemingly over-correction of their prior vibes. While they were never 100% serious on most of their older work, they did seem to strike something of a balance between having fun & having some bite. But on the prior 2 releases, they seemed to move away from almost all of the seriousness that their starting material had, and completely braced the comedic aspect overtime. To play devil’s advocate, Christopher Bowes did say in interviews that he & the rest of the band didn’t want to be like groups that took the style more seriously, and I respect them for that. Even so, they went too far in the comedy direction, and that’s pretty overwhelming for some.

Other
If you’re curious about listening to this album, then click on the link below:

Curse Of The Crystal Coconut

Also, I should make a mention of the racism & abuse accusations that spawned back in 2021. More specifically, the accusations & allegations with Gloryhammer & Chris Bowes. Without getting into massive detail, singer Thomas Winkler had be fired from the band for reasons I believe are still unknown to this day. Not long after, it was rumored that bassist James Cartwright allegedly abused a former partner, and not long after that a series of leaked group chat conversations came out, with members of the band using some really awful racial & sexist language. I won’t get into it here any further, but the link below will provide more of the sordid details.

Alleged Leaked Chats Show Gloryhammer Are Misogynists + Obscene Racists (Loudwire)

Overall Impression & Rating
Curse Of The Crystal Coconut is still fun even now. Sure, it’s a giant correction from their oldest material, and the racism//sexism charges did sully the band’s reputation for a bit, but at the same time it’s hard to not smile when you’re listening to this record. If you’re up for some absurd fun on the high seas, then this is the album for you!

Curse Of The Crystal Coconut still gets a 9  out of 10.

And that was my revised review for Curse Of The Crystal Coconut. I liked it back in 2020, and I still like it now. Faults aside, Alestorm still manage to have a hold on their fans, and I hope that one day their issues are completely scrubbed clean in time. Well, I got my no. 5 reviews done, and now it’s time to go onto number 4. See you all in February, and see you all in a day or two for a look at the first MTG set of 2020. Until then, take care!


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If you’d like to read my original review of this album, click on the link below:

Album Review: Curse Of The Crystal Coconut (Original)

Album Review: Haunt's Mind Freeze

The first review of my retrospective look at 2020 begins here fellow Otaku & Metalheads.

We begin 2025 with the look at my no. 5 albums of that year, and given how chilly it is outside where I am, our first is quite appropriate. The record I’m looking at today is from a fairly new band, as they have been putting out releases since 2018. On top of that, the group is one of many that conjure up old-school metal vibes while putting their own little twists on the style. The end result is just a fun slab of 80s-styled nostalgia, but with modern recording & production to make it feel fresh. So, get on your warmest winter clothes, drink a nice hot cup of cocoa, and take a look at my review of Mind Freeze from the band Haunt. Let’s begin!

Background
Our story begins in 2017. Originally a side project of Trevor William Church, Haunt was to be worked on alongside his existing band Beastmaker, which was considerably more Doom Metal than the more tradition metallic sound that the side project was going to embody. In the same year, Church would write and record Haunt's debut release, the extended play Luminous Eyes, with Daniel Wilson playing drums for the recording. It was first released digitally as an independent release, but the Shadow Kingdom Records label would later put it out on CD.

Cut to 2018, and Church wrote and recorded a single for Haunt, Ghosts. Later in the year, Haunt would release their first full-length studio album, Burst into Flame. Daniel Wilson would come back to  play drums for the record, but this time as a full-blown band member. Accompanying him were Matthew Wilhoit on bass and John Tucker on guitar. Both of them would stay as permanent members, but Wilhoit would be eventually replaced by Taylor Hollman on following releases.

This all leads us to 2020. On the 10th of January in that year, Haunt released their 3rd full-length release, Mind Freeze. The lineup for that record would be Daniel Wilson on drums, Church on vocals & guitars, John Tucker on lead guitar, and of course Taylor Hollman on bass. I confess I actually haven’t listened to the band’s material prior to this release, but if the subject matter is anything even remotely like what came before.....then you won’t be surprised as to what I’m going to say next.

Basic Description
When Thrash & Power Metal collide.

There’s been a few albums I’ve covered in recent years where I think that the mixing of two styles doesn’t work at first, but Mind Freeze is a giant exception for me. Thrash Metal & Power Metal are sub-genres that are made for each other, with the former carrying bringing it’s speed and aggression, and the later with it’s upbeat energy and intensity. The end result can either be considered a Thrash Metal album with some more positivity, or a Power Metal album with a little more aggression. Despite how imbalanced that might sound for some, the truth of Mind Freeze is that both styles are evenly balanced, with neither overpowering the other.

Best Track
It’s hard to not fall for the title track of the album! If I recall correctly, Mind Freeze was the first single off the record, and if it was I think it was a smart move. The rhythm & beats are simple but they pull in potential listeners with ease, Trevor William Church’s vocal work is on the simple side, but he’s got quite the presence & works well on the track, and the overall production leaves no obvious signs of scuff. Though it should have opened the album, something about it being a little further in gives it a little extra magic.

Mind Freeze

Worst Track
To be honest? There really isn’t a bad track on Mind Freeze. From top to bottom, the 9 songs we’re given are just wonderful. If there is one complaint to say, and I admit that it’s a little childish at this point to call this out in some of my prior reviews, but it’s run time is on the short side somewhat. To play devil’s advocate it’s not as short as other smaller running time albums, as it clocks in at 37 minutes & 12 seconds, and because of that you don’t need to listen to it as many times for it to stick in your head when compared to other shorter records. Even so, there are probably some people that will get turned off by the run time, and those individuals will possibly not listen to this release because of that factor.

Other
If you’re curious about listening to this album, click on the link below:

Mind Freeze

Overall Impression & Rating
Mind Freeze is just a fun & simple time. It may be a bit on the fast side for some, but the fun mix of 2 popular sub-genres into one whole makes for a pleasant experience. In the time since this release, Haunt has released 7 more records, and while I haven’t listened to them yet, I can only assume that they improved in quality when compared to this pleasant little frosty.

Mind Freeze gets an 8 out of 10.

And that was my look at Mind Freeze. The very first album of 2020 I came across, it would help build a shield for me to go through that year without too much harm. Shorter in terms of running time as it may be, it’s recording & production quality along with the fun factor. So see you all at the end of the month, for we’ll be returning to the hunt for a very peculiar coconut. Until then, stay warm!

Food For Thought/Thought For Food No. 34: 5 Years Later

2020. Hard to believe it’s been 5 years since the start of this rather horrible decade. Hard to believe it’s been 5 years since a world-wide plague came & swept over the entire planet, killing so many & hurting just as much. Here in the United States, I don’t think I even need to say what it was like. We had the most people die from The Plague, all thanks to our “Dear Leader” at the time, who unfortunately will be sworn in again on the 20th. We had racial tensions the likes of which we haven’t seen in forever, food & supply shortages, and incompetency from (Most, if I’m being honest) our political leaders (ESPECIALLY the GOP) the likes of which will only get worse during these next 4 years.

I think we can all remember moments from 2020. Remember moments pretty easily from that year to be honest. However, trying to recall that whole year from beginning to end is practically impossible. The isolation, not to mention the disease-ridden blur that was COVID, makes 2020 such a hazy year for pretty much all of us. Not only that, but with all of the people that died, along with many business both small & large closing their doors for good, makes that entire time so much more obscured than it needed to be.

For a brief period, after that god-awful time I thought there was hope. I thought that things would get better, and in various times since that year it almost seemed like it. However, with what’s been happening over in the Middle East towards the end of 2023, not to mention all of the increasing rise of “Conservatism” in so many parts of the world, that hope almost feels like an illusion at this point. To be perfectly honest, hope does truly feel kind of pointless nowadays, and with the kind of year I had in 2024, it’s just made that feeling so much worse for me. However, I’m still alive. Maybe not very happy or joyful, but I still have a heartbeat, and maybe I’ll get through whatever kind of pit I’m in.

So for 2025, I wanted to do something different when it came to my reviews. For this year, I want to review the various pieces of media that helped me through 2020. My top albums of that year, some of the video games & MTG sets, and even some of the anime from that time. I’ve already looked at a few pieces from then, so in response to that I’ll be doing revised versions of those reviews. On top of that, I’ll be putting up some less.....hostile Food For Thought/Thought For Food articles, talking about what I was thinking during that time, along with a few other things. I'll have it on a tight schedule as well: the 1st of a month, the 15th, and on the 30th unless otherwise (Looking at you, February).

So, I’ll be starting this hopefully year-long retrospective series of reviews in the middle of this month, when I’ll be looking at the two albums at my no. 5 spot from that year, and the 1st album will be a bit......chilly. See you then!




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If you’re curious where the image came from, click on the link below:

Sad Meditative Cyberpunk Music - Ethereal Blade Runner Ambient Journey - Rain Sounds