Wrestlemania 34 Review

Cool Setup This Year!

Hey everybody, and welcome to my review for Wrestlemania 34!

I had a lot of fun watching last year’s event. Compared to the abomination that was Wrestlemania 32, it was leaps & bounds ahead of 2016. Coming into 34, I was definitely expecting things to be as good as last year. The buildup for many of these matches wasn’t necessarily overwhelming or impressive in anyway, but does that impact the show? Well, check out my review to find out. Let’s begin.

Pre-Show/Kickoff
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Prediction: ?
Actual Winner: Matt Hardy
- The one thing I noticed about every match on the preshow is that I couldn’t guess who would win. Case in point is the starter bout, the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Considered by a lot of people (Myself somewhat included) to be a joke, I didn’t feel the need to put a lot of emotion in this fight. As usual, they stuff the ring with a horde of wrestlers they didn’t put on the main card, and again as usual it’s always chaos at first. There were a few small pairings, but because of the chaos, it was a little hard to tell who was with who. Matt Hardy was having fun, as he was embracing the “Woken” gimmick with gusto. We then went to a commercial break (During the Pre-Show?), and I couldn’t tell you who got dumped out in the meantime. It was at about the halfway spot that people were getting dumped out quicker, and things were getting easier to see. It was right at the end that we got an odd visit from Bray Wyatt, who we haven’t seen publically since the Ultimate Deletion match a few weeks ago. When he arrived, Mojo Rolly, Baron Corbin, and Matt Hardy were the last people in the ring. Wyatt threw Corbin out with ease, and Hardy gave Mojo a beating to take the winning spot of the battle royal. An incredibly confusing way to start Wrestlemania.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament Finals (Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali)
Prediction: ?
Actual Winner: Cedric Alexander
- This is the one match on the preshow that I had no concern for. I confess that I have never watched 205 Live, and considering the poor reputation the show has, it’s easy for me to see why I wasn’t excited for this fight. That said, there were some small things I liked: Mustafa Ali came out looking like a hybrid between Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat and a space marine with his getup, and him & Cedric Alexander were really flexible & bouncy as they fought (There was a little bit of time on the mat for holds), with Cedric ultimately taking the win. I would have liked this match more if I was invested in 205 Live & it’s superstars, but I wasn’t, and I’m likely to forget this bout.

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal
Prediction: ?
Actual Winner: Naomi
- Out of everything on the preshow, this was the one I was interested in the most. It’s the first time ever that a women’s battle royal has happened at Wrestlemania, and given the controversy with it’s original name, you can see why I’d be curious about this bout. We get 20 women in this match, covering the bases of Raw, Smackdown, and NXT. Just as we get all of the girls into the ring, we go to a commercial about Paige’s upcoming movie, which really interrupted the flow of the introductions. Sasha Banks & Bailey are the last 2 to come in, and it’s because of them that I was interested in this bout as far as their story is concerned. Carmella is the first to be eliminated, as everybody else ganged up on her almost immediately, it was then that I noticed how weirdly coordinated this match was. It was more coordinated because there were 20 people instead of 30, but less so because things broke down quicker. Yet another commercial aired (This time for WWE toys), but it was considerably quicker that the 1st one. A really funny moment happened when Belle Air used her long ponytail as a weapon, which actually seemed to make a bit of noise when it hit somebody. The match goes on a bit more, and we get down to 6 women, with Sasha & Bailey among them. For a brief moment, the two reconnected, and took out 4 girls, leaving them alone in the ring. Further trying to get back together, Bailey hold out her hand for Sasha, only to throw her out of the ring. By this point it seemed like Bailey won, only to see Naomi in the ring, as she technically didn’t get eliminated. The two had a quick bout, but Bailey promptly got eliminated, and Naomi is the first ever winner of the Women’s Battle Royal. Despite ruining a storyline, Naomi winning made for a surprising end to the preshow of Wrestlemania. Onto the show proper!

Main Show
Triple Threat For WWE Intercontinental Title (Seth Rollins vs Finn Balor vs The Miz)
Prediction: Seth Rollins or Finn Balor
Actual Winner: Seth Rollins
- We begin the main show with the Triple Threat Intercontinental Tile Match between Seth Rollins, Finn Balor, and the current title holder The Miz. Seth was the 1st to come out, and can someone tell me why he was wearing those goofy contacts? They looked cool and all, but they reminded me a little too much of when Roman wore them. The Miz came out next, and it was really weird. He had his normal groupies with him (Kicked them to the back), but he had holograms pop out beforehand, and had on a outfit that was like a weird steampunk getup. Finn Balor came out last, and it was easily the weakest of the 3 intros. No demon makeup, no nothing. Despite that, this match was great! Seth & Finn in particular had great chemistry, at least in the beginning. An unusual factor was Miz: his daughter was just born about a week or two before, and he seemed to restrain himself a little in terms of work effort. Despite that, everybody was putting on a good show, and Miz eventually regained control, but all 3 men got close wins. Eventually, Seth Rollins managed to get the rollup for the win.

Smackdown Women’s Title Match (Asuka vs Charlotte Flair)
Prediction: Asuka
Actual Winner: Charlotte Flair
- It’s been a while since I was excited for a women’s match. Usually I just brush them off, but this one had some weight to it. You got the daughter of Ric Flair in one corner, and one of the best representatives of Japanese Strong Style in Asuka in the other corner. A match like this needed excess, and the entrances of both women definitely provides this: Charlotte came out on a throne with old Roman guards, and was a wonderful resemblance to those of her father. Asuka’s entrance wasn’t quite as over the top as Charlotte’s was, but she had some holograms of her various masks & laser beams, so it was still a little goofy. Both women were equally cheered for, and perfectly represented their respective wrestling styles. There were close calls aplenty, but in the end.....Charlotte won......by having Asuka tap out. I’ll attempt to control my temper.....f*&%ing what!!??
- Charlotte won......why!? She didn’t need the win! There was no real purpose to her winning!....at friggin all! To further made me livid, Asuka got on the mike to congratulate Charlotte.....Asuka, you’re a hardcore chick! You get what you want, when you want! You never complement anybody! Unfortunately, my anger carries over to the next match.

United States Championship (Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev)
Prediction: Rusev
Actual Winner: Jinder Mahal
- No ladies & gentlemen, you’re not seeing things. Jinder Mahal, one of WWE’s biggest failures in recent years......is holding a big title.......AGAIN!!!!!
- Okay okay, let me talk about this match before I blow a gasket. This bout was really bizarre in a way, as it really seemed tailored for Orton, Roode, and Mahal only. Rusev’s position in here was really odd, and if the rumors were true, was done only to placate Rusev into not leaving the company. Anyways, Roode came out first, and it was his usual glorious intro. Rusev was next, and his was perfectly goofy & silly, accompanied by singing from Aiden English. Jinder Mahal was 3rd, and was immediately booed (Could have sworn the audio was lowered when it got bad). Orton was last, and it wasn’t like his dumb entrance from last year. Almost immediately, Orton & Mahal were thrown out of the ring, leaving Roode & Rusev to duke it out. From there, it seemed to be a whirlwind of wresting, as numerous combinations of the 4 men in question were interchanging & fighting, and it was weirdly confusing. By the end, Rusev actually managed to regain power & seemed like he was going to win, only for Jinder to win. Dear god Jinder winning made this match bad! Even if Rusev wasn’t in the match & Jinder didn’t win, it would have been okay at best.

Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs Triple H Stephanie McMahon
Prediction: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle
Actual Winner: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle
- After two matches with endings that pissed me off, I was fearing the end of this match. Hell, I was scared of this match period. Thankfully, my fears were evaporated with the final 3-count!
- Triple H & Stephanie McMahon came out first, and it was weirdly reminiscent of their entrance at last year’s show. Instead of Stephanie riding with Triple H on his 3-wheeler, she had her own, and instead of cops it was a bunch of girls on 3-wheelers in leather clothes. Kurt Angle came out next, and it was as incredibly classic as an Angle entrance could get. Ronda Rousey was last to arrive, and her getup & titantron was an ode to her hero Roudy Roddy Piper. Almost right away, Stephanie was an immediate c&%t to Rousey, as she constantly taunted her & messed with her. Kurt Angle & Triple H were the first to square off, and I didn’t know if it was me, but the two seemed sluggish.
- I should note that this was a match where both sides’s identities were quite clear. Triple H & Stephanie were obviously heels, and Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey were some of the biggest baby faces I’ve seen in a while. Anyways, we got to a point where Triple H almost hit Stephanie (Another reminder of last year), and it seemed like the good guys would because of this distraction. However, they recovered quickly, and she went back to being a bitch. This angered Ronda, as she managed to get a tag in, and proceed to beat the unholy hell out of Stephanie. Stephanie tries to tag Triple H back in, but can’t because Kurt knocked him off the mat earlier. Ronda gets distracted, and the heels went back to messing with the good guys. Kurt Angle comes back in to make the save, but he gets beat up not long after.
- As we’re nearing the end of the match, Triple H & Ronda engage in a impromptu intergender bout, with Rondy almost winning but Stephanie comes in to interrupt the pin. A little bit after that We’ve got Kurt & H fighting again, where he almost wins at one point, but almost losses again. Luckily, Ronda came in for the save. Rousey almost wins, but Stephanie breaks it up. In a surprising twist, Kurt & Rousey bump into each other, and it looked like this was how Stephanie & Triple H were going to win. Luckily, this was not meant to be, and Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey were the rightful winners of this match.

SmackDown Tag Team Championship (The Usos vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers)
Prediction: The New Day or The Bludgeon Brothers
Actual Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers
- From an incredibly exciting match, we got to a bout that was simple & predictable, yet fun. The New Day were the first to enter the arena, and they were decked out in Mardi Graw colored outfits, and had midgets in pancake costumes accompany them (The pancake thing is from another goofy New Day skit. Also my favorite intro). The Usos were next, and they came out in what I call their “Samoan Gangbanger” getup, further cementing how boring I think they are now. Finally, the Bludgeon Brothers were last, and there was nothing different about this entrance when you compare it to every other entrance of their’s, apart from the masks.
- The Bludgeon Brothers were incredibly dominant in this match. The Usos & The New Day got a little offense in throughout the fight, but just as it looked like they got an edge, The brothers immediately put them in their place. Outside of the Bludgeon Brothers, the only other team that got some time was the Usos, with the New Day trailing behind. In a moment that echoed their feelings from the week or two before, both the Usos & New Day team up to try to take out the Bludgeon Brothers, but this was not meant to be as Eric & Harper won not long after. Again, this was a predictable match, but there was some fun in how overpowered the Bludgeon Brothers were.

John Cena vs. The Undertaker
Prediction: ?
Actual Winner: Undertaker
- To be perfectly honest, not that many people thought that this match was going to happen. For a month or two Cena had been attempting to call out the Undertaker for a match at Wrestlemania, since he wasn’t on the card. For weeks, and up until the beginning of last week, there was no response. So he said that if he wasn’t going to get a match, he’d be sitting in the crowd as a fan. To his credit, that’s exactly what happened! So for the preshow & the first couple matches, Cena was sitting out in the lower part of the crowd, and chatting it up with fans who were next to him. Then out of nowhere, a referee comes running towards him after the Charlotte & Asuka match, and whispers into his ear that the Undertaker is apparently in the arena, so Cena immediately runs to the back.
- Cut to this match, and Cena comes out like normal. He’s waiting in the ring for the Deadman to come out, but instead it was Elias instead. Berating Cena for expecting the Undertaker, and insulting the crowd, he walks to the ring to a impromptu concert, only for Cena to maul him to death. Feeling dejected that the Undertaker did not answer him, he slowly walks back up the ramp, and about halfway up the arena goes dark. A moment later, the lights point towards the ring, where the Deadman’s gear is neatly in a pile in the middle of the ring (A callout to last year). Lights go out again, and the gear is gone. From there, the familiar gong echoes in the arena, and we have the Deadman return once again!
- I didn’t realize it at the time, but this match went by quick. A friend of mine said it was barely under 3 minutes, but I’m going along with everybody else saying it was around 5 minutes instead. Undertaker was really in control of this match, as Cena was barely able to get any offense in. In a move that shocked everyone, Undertaker took Cena up to the ropes for a little tight-walking moment, which he hasn’t done for a few years now. Ultimately, Undertaker got Cena in the tombstone for the win, and no lie.....but this match got me to shed a manly tear. Laugh if you want!

Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
Prediction: Bryan & Shane
Actual Winner: Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon
- After getting some good vibes back from the previous match, we come to a bout that had some anticipation behind it, especially when Daniel Bryan finally got cleared to compete just a few short weeks before 34. That component of the match really got people excited....myself included.
- So we have Shane come out first, and it’s about as normal as you can get with him. Daniel Byran on the other hand, had an entrance that was over the top. We had what looked like a computer screen show up, and from there it examined the birth of the Yes Movement, complete with clips of moments where the Yes chant popped up. They really made it looked like it was a virus of some kind. Cut back to the arena, and he finally showed up to wild cheers. The two men were standing in the ring waiting for Owens & Zayn to show up, and their music did go off, but the two heels showed up from behind for a devastating ambush. Bryan got knocked out of the ring early, and for a while the two were beating up Shane pretty hard. They almost got a pin on him, but Daniel managed to get back in to break the pin up, and he finally gets to show off. With each move he did, it looked like he never missed a beat, and seemed like his old self.
- The match goes on for bit, and at one point Sami & Bryan are in the ring. Bryan is down on the mat, and Sami is berating him, saying “It’s all your fault”. Activating his “Hulk” mode, Daniel Bryan just goes to town on Sami, and not long after that he gets the pin, and the win for both him & Shane.

Raw Women's Championship (Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax)
Prediction: Nia Jax
Actual Winner: Nia Jax
- Though not quite intrigued as much as the Women’s Battle Royal from the preshow, I must confess that I had a little interest in this match. For the first time in a while, we had a women’s bout where one of the combatants wasn’t, shall we say......not as slim as the other girl way.
- So Alexa Bliss comes out first, and her entrance is a gaudy as I expect an entrance of her’s to be. Nia Jax is next, and she looks like a pissed off bull in a china shop. Mickey James come out to try & screw up the match (Someone fill me in on this), but Nia quickly throws her out into the trashbin, and the match starts. If I was to describe the events within, I say it would be like a Mach Truck running over a pedestrian dozens of times. Alexa’s only real way to gain any advantage was to cheat, and we a few thumbs to the eye, managed to get herself some even footing with Nia despite it not lasting long. Alexa gets Nia riled even more, and all this does is give Nia the win.

WWE Title Match (Shinsuke Nakamura vs AJ Styles)
Prediction: Shinsuke Nakamura
Actual Winner: AJ Styles
- We come to yet another hyped match here on the card, and I admit that I wasn’t excited for this as much as everyone else was. It’s not that I think both superstars are bad, far from it! It’s more of the fact that I’m not exactly the biggest watcher of NJPW. Anyways, Shinsuke comes out first, and his entrance is an extreme version of his normal entrance. You’ve got rows of violin players, and then there’s some metal guitarist playing along with the strings. AJ Styles comes out next, and it’s not really that much different than his normal entrance.
- The two men then finally begin their match, and.....it’s not that good. Both AJ & Nakamura were incredibly neutered when it came to their NJPW style of wrestling. They were rreally limited to mat work most of the time, and when the leash was loosened, they really didn’t do much. This is a huge shame, as you can see the potential in this, and the fans have been asking for this match ever since both men got into WWE. On top of that, both Japanese superstars who won the Royal Rumble back in January lost! What was the point in both Asuka & Nakamura winning that event, if all that was going to happen was them losing just a couple months later!? On top of that, Nakamura is going heel? Really!?

Raw Tag Team Championship (The Bar vs. Braun Strowman & TBA)
Prediction: ?
Actual Winner: Braun Stroman & Kid (Real Name: Nicholas)
- Like the U.S. Title match, you’re not reading that wrong. Braun Stroman......and a kid...won the match. That kid better be a cancer/Make-A-Wish kid, cause this seriously felt like a huge PR stunt!.....but I’m getting ahead of myself.
- So The Bar comes out first, and it’s a fun entrance. They’re on a Mardi Graw float, complete with people in colorful costumes, throwing out beads, the works. Then it transitions into their normal entrance, and the come to the ring. Braun Strowman is next, and first thing on his mind is to wreck the float, which he does. He gets to the ring, and states that nobody in the back was going to be his partner for the match. Instead, he said it was going to be someone in the crowd, and after a few moments, he spots his partner.......who’s a 10-year old kid.
- Anyways, he picks the kid, and takes him back to the ring. The kid is standing by the ropes, and looks absolutely terrified. Meanwhile, Braun is doing literarily all of the offense, and it goes by quick. The kid is tagged in for a second, only to tag back out. Braun beats up the Bar some more, and eventually get gets the win.........the hell did I watch!!??

WWE Universal Title Match (Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar)
Prediction: Roman Reigns (See below)
Actual Winner: Brock Lesnar
- Weirdly enough, this match really feels like a rehash from their original match at 31. Roman is coming out basically to boos (Only there’s a little more cheering this time around), and Brock is getting cheered like crazy. The two seemed to wrestle in much the same way as they did back in 2015, only this time the fans began taking a crap on this far more quickly than 3 years ago. Within 5 minutes, there was a mix of CM Punk chants, This Is Boring, and a host of other merciless insults. Really the only spots that were different this time around was Brock Lesnar saying “Fuck” & getting censored because of that, and Lesnar giving Roman a pretty hard elbow to the head, causing him to bleed pretty badly. I don’t really have anything else to say other than this shouldn’t have been last, the crowd booed hard, and Brock Lesnar won.

Overall Impression & Rating
Wrestlemania 34......wasn’t quite as good as I wanted it to be. Was it better than 33? Sadly it wasn’t, but I can say that it was better than 32. There were definitely matches that were good & the right people went over, but there were far more fights that had the wrong people win or just wasn’t performed/booked well. If WWE listens to it’s fans (Especially the reactions in the final match), they maybe things might change. Given how insensitive the company is to their fans’s feelings, I doubt it.

Wrestlemania 34 gets a 7 to 7.5 out of 10

Monday Night Raw
Hour 1:
- Didn’t watch the 1st hour. My folks were watching a nature documentary, but given what people have said about this first hour.....maybe it was a good thing that I missed it.

Hour 2:
- Our second hour (1st hour for me), we find Seth Rollins, the newly crowned Intercontinental Champion Seth Rollins & Finn Balor are in the ring, taking about who’s next in line to get the title. The Miz comes out to interrupt them, saying that only he’s the one that can get the rematch first. Seth, getting tired of Miz talking, unleashes a pretty good burn, and in turn Miz taunts them into a match. Just as it looks like Miz & the Miztourage might gain an edge, a returned Jeff Hardy comes in to even the odds, but Miz & his toadies make a getaway. This was ultimately all for nothing, as Kurt Angle made a match between both teams for later on in the show.
- Next up was a match between Mandy Rose of Absolution & Sasha Banks. Shortly after the two were in the ring, Bayley comes out in her normal manner, and all she really does is confuse both women. During the match, Manda & Sasha were really fighting like cats throughout the whole thing, but due to an accident between Bayley & Sasha (Bayley tried to punch Mandy, but Mandy ducked out of the way, so Bayley hit Sasha instead), Mandy Rose got the win. Not long afterwards, Paige came into the ring, and I don’t know if it was just me, but I could have sworn that something was up with her face. Anyways, she’s in the ring with a mic, and it turns out that she’s announcing her retirement on account of injuries. Despite her voice sounding a little off, it was incredibly sad that a talent so young retires, and I hope that she’s got a nice future somewhere.
- Elias in next, and he’s in the ring for one of his musical moments. The crowd is trying to take his moment away, but Elias shuts them down, and proceeds with a song. Shortly after, the returning Bobby Lashley comes down to confront Elias, and Bobby just sends him straight into a crater to smolder.
- We go to Kurt Angle, who’s talking on his cellphone to someone, when Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn walk in, apparently looking for a job since they’re no longer welcome on Smackdown. Kurt burns them pretty good (If I’m correct, it went along the lines of “The Tag Team division is full, but I heard TNA is hiring”), but decides to put them in a match for a solo position for either guy on Raw.
- Hour 2 concludes with Heath Slater & Rhyno out in the ring for a Tag Team elimination tournament for the newly vacant titles (Long Story), and the newly arriving Authors Of Pain were their opponents. The match was quick, as the Authors Of Pain took out Heath & Rhyno in record time. Afterwards, for whatever reason, left their managed Paul Ellering behind, seemingly fired him.

Hour 3:
- Roman comes out at the start of hour 3, and the torrent of boos is just about as bad as when he came out after 33. I say just as bad, cause he gets a little more talking time in, but most of said talking is just him whining. Samoa Joe makes his return during this, and he just let’s Roman have it. He just points out every flaw of Roman (Real & maybe imagined), and manages to get the crowd behind him to chant “Failure” & other stuff. Easily my favorite spot of the night.
- We then go to a Woken Matt Hardy segment, where we find that Bray Wyatt is now his ally (The spirit of Sister Abagail was washed away after the Ultimate Deletion), and that the two have a match against Titus Worldwide. At one point, Matt & Titus have a catchphrase soundoff, and at another point the crowd is singing along with the match (Can’t tell what). Both Bray & Matt are absolutely insane in this fight, and said insanity helps them win the fight. In the back afterwards, Jeff reunites with his brother, and that encounter plants the seeds for Brother Nero to possibly return.
- Next up is the Owens vs Zayn Job match, and man was this dumb! Both men really seemed to be matched, as they’re beating each other senseless. Because of said senselessness, the two were counted out, and both men lost.
- Final matchup of the night is Finn Balor, Seth Rollins, and Jeff Hardy vs the Miz & the Miztourage. This was a good of a fight as one could end the show with (Especially how everything else is). Both teams were damn good, with the Miz being filled with rage after losing his title, and the faces melding really well together. They go back & forth for a while, but the faces manage to overcome the Miz & his goons for the win, thus ending the show.

Overall Impression & Rating
Raw, much like Wrestlemania, was definitely disappointing. There was some fun to be had, but there was far more going on that could have been much better. WWE in recent years really doesn’t like to listen to it’s audience, and judging by most of what I saw in this show, it doesn’t look like that’ll change anytime soon.

Raw gets a 7 out of 10.

Tuesday Night Smackdown
Update at a later point....

So that was my review for Wrestlemania 34, along with the accompanying Raw & Smackdown (At a later time). This past weekend was incredibly disappointing, and the past few days weren’t much better. It’s a crying shame, as the things that were good were really good, and the things that were bad were.....well, you get the idea. With this review out of the way, April Fools Day month continues onward, so see you all next week for the continuation of a series I haven’t updated in a while.

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If you want to see what I thought of last year’s Wrestlemania, check out the link below:

Wrestlemania 33