My Top 15 Video Game Weapons

Welcome to part 3 of my 2-year celebration, fellow Otaku & Metalheads!

We started off this month with a second look at my top 5 most viewed posts, and after that we took a look at one of my favorite Magic the Gathering sets. Today’s post takes my typical top 10 list format, and gives it a little facelift. So today, we’ll be looking at not 5, not 10, but 15 of my favorite video game weapons of all time! I’ve also made things a bit more organized for this list, splitting it into 3 different sections. Without further delay, here are my top 15 video game weapons of all time. Lock & load!

Mildly Like
15) PM9 - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (Video)

I downright dropped my jaw when I saw this included in Modern Warfare 3. Up until this point, the only time you saw Japanese firearms in a CoD game was in World at War. Japan isn’t necessarily known for modern firearms, but every once in a while you heard about something, and the PM9 is one of those few exceptions. A modified Mini-Uzi, the PM9 was a bullet-hose a few years back. Mowing down rooms of enemies, this Japanese take on the classic SMG might not have been the most practical of MW3's submachine guns, but it was fun from time to time.

14) Lava Nails & Multi Grenades/Rockets - Quake: Dissolution of Eternity (Video)

These technically aren’t weapons. They’re really alternative ammo types, but they’re fun enough that I want to talk about them. In the case of the Lava Nails, that’s basically what they are: nails composed of superheated metal that sting so hard, they feel like lava getting poured onto your skin. Fiends cower when they hear the telltale sign of a Lava Nail hitting a wall, and hissing like a snake. With multi grenades, you shoot one out, and it explodes into a swarm of smaller explosives that’ll clear out a room. Multi Rockets are kinda the same thing, as you shoot out 1 for others to follow. A target is as good of dead, as the rockets will seek their target, and make him wish he wasn’t born.

13) Shuriken - Shadow Warrior 1997 (Video)

Dual uzis. A 4-barrel shotgun. A rocket launcher that can heat-seek or fire nuclear warheads. Yet.....shurikens are the first weapon you find? I can’t complain, as Lo Wang is a master ninja. Truth be told, the shurikens aren’t the most practical of Lo Wang’s arsenal, but they make an entertaining backup. Also, if you get any of them stuck in a wall, you can just walk over & pick them out of said wall. A impractical but fun weapon.

Speaking of impractical.....

12) Freezethrower - Duke Nukem 3d (Video)

I could have gone for the Shrink Ray, but at least it doesn’t bounce off the wall & hurt me! The Freezethrower is like a rabid weasel: hold it in front of the enemy, and you’ll freeze them solid & shatter them with a kick. If you miss with the rabid weasel, you’ll hurt yourself. Aiming the rabid weasel away for too long, and you might freeze yourself by accident. If you know the rabid weasel’s ways, then you’ll be fine.

11) Meteor w Thunder Crash Rune - Diablo 3

Technically a spell isn’t a weapon, but I’ll be cheating a little bit throughout this list. I’ll start off with this little number: normally when you cast the basic form of Meteor, it takes a second or two for it to touchdown. Not so with the Thunder Crash rune. Once it’s equipped, you no longer have to wait for it to come down & smack a couple monsters in the face. Plus, the damage is converted to electricity, and it’ll satisfy your inner Thor in a heartbeat!

And speaking of Meteor.....

Moderately Like
10) Meteor w Comet Rune - Diablo 3 (Video)

That brings us to my other favorite Meteor upgrade. Way back in Diablo 3's early days, this was the rune that convinced me to got into an ice direction for my wizard. You always see fire & lightning mages, but ice mages are rare creatures indeed. I control the battlefield with the power of frost, freezing enemies solid. The piece-de-resistance is when I drag a group in with my Black Hole ability (Upgraded with the Absolute Zero rune....should have put it on here in hindsight), and bring the comet down. Those few who survive the freezing assault won’t be around for much longer.

9) Mace of Molag Bal - Skyrim (Video)

Molag Bal. Few names conjure more fear in Skyrim than the Daedric Prince of domination & enslavement, and it is only fitting that he has a weapon that’s fitting to his personality. You find this weapon in it’s weakened state in an abandoned shrine, but you’re sent on a journey to restore glory to his name. After helping the prince get revenge against a rival priest of Boethiah, you’re given his mace, and charged with spreading his power & influence all across Skyrim. Given the power that the mace holds, you’ll definitely oblige.

8) Stakegun - Painkiller (Video)

Of all the FPS games to come out last decade, none (At least in my opinion) had a funkier weapon selection than Painkiller. From the titular weapon that was basically a sawblade on a stick, to a gun that shot shurikens & electricity, not many games could get close. The second weapon you came across after the shotgun was the stakegun, and it didn’t shoot t-bones if that what you thought. Instead, this gun shoots wooden stakes the size of a wrestler’s arm, or if you go for the alternate fire, launch grenades. The grenades blow up demons, and that’s all well & good, but nailing a target up to the wall is far more satisfying. If you get more creative, you can nail a demon into another enemy, or shoot off a limb if your aim is good. So, go out there, and stake your claim....with the stakegun.

7) Gauntlets of the Necromancer - Heretic (Video)(Zoom to the 2 minute 41 second mark)

Usually one doesn’t talk about starter weapons in their favorites. Starter weapons usually are weak, and they’re only to be used as a last result. When it comes to the Gauntlets of the Necromancer, it’s a slightly different case. Your starter weapon before the gauntlets was a staff, but it’s a joke when compared to these metallic beauties. They’ve got an emperor vibe coming off of then, as they both unleash a short-ranged torrent of arcane energy that shred monsters. When you use a tome of power, the gauntlets become stronger, as they now drain enemies of their health, and transfer it to you. Again, starter weapons aren’t the cream of the crop, but the Gauntlets of the Necromancer are a rare exception.

6) Stone Curse - Diablo (Video)

This weapon is the only one on here that doesn’t deal damage. Right away, some of you might have a problem with this, but here me out. If you managed to learn this spell, you’ve secured a powerful defensive option. If a strong monster is coming towards you, you can call upon Stone Curse to turn the enemy into a statue. This spell can also be used offensively as well, as it practically paralyzes a target, leaving him vulnerable for all kinds of attacks. Stone Curse is best used by a sorcerer, but a rogue or warrior can get a little bit of use out of it if they so choose.

Highly Like
5) Ameli/Whale Horn Variant - Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (Video)

Advanced Warfare was a unique entry in the Call of Duty series. Not only were there base weapons in the multiplayer, but there were also variant models to be gained through drops. Some were useful, while others were useless, but all have a place in the game. Perhaps the weirdest among the variants was the Whale Horn variant for the Ameli. This is a variant that can’t work, shouldn’t work, yet somehow does. It has slightly more recoil than the base model, it’s long-range damage has been reduced, and it’s 3-shot range has been reduced by 65%, but it’s got a tighter hipfire than the base Ameli, and it’s magazine capacity has been increased. Again, the Whale Horn is a misfit gun that really is such a weirdo, but I like misfit weapons, and this one is right up there in my book.

4) Arcane Orb w Frozen Orb Rune - Diablo 3 (Video)

Alright, this is the last Diablo 3 spell I’ll talk about!

This rune variant, if I’m remembering correctly, wasn’t around in D3's original incarnation. This one came out around the time that the pre Reaper of Souls updates were coming out, changing the skills & items. Chief among the wizard skill rune changes was the inclusion of the Frozen Orb rune, and if any of you remember the Sorcerer from Diablo 2, you’ll know this was the cream of the crop of the cold skill tree. You launched 1 frozen orb into a room, and things would die. Things haven’t changed much in Diablo 3: frozen orb goes into a room of monsters, no monsters come out of the room. Instant love!

3) Chaingun w Turret Mod - Doom 2016 (Video)

From here on in the list, the weapons are going to become incredibly dumb, but in a fun way. Starting off this list of stupid is the chaingun from the new Doom. More specifically, the Turret Mod for the chaingun. The base weapon is tough enough, but with this modification, you’re basically giving the gun two extra barrels. When deployed, the chaingun splits into 3 barrels, and unleashes a wall of bullets. Nothing standing in front of this behemoth will live, as they’ll turn into chunky kibble & bits, or a nice bloody slushy. Even if something manages to get out of the way, they’ll just get killed a second later.

2) Infinity Pistol - Borderlands 2 (Video)

True story: I searched for this fabled gun for ages. Even from the start of the game’s release, the Infinity was considered the cream of the crop. It never needed to be reloaded, never took ammunition, and it’s shot pattern was effective. However, finding it was exceedingly difficult, as it almost never dropped from Doc Mercy or from some other source. Finally, I managed to snag one from my Dad, who was playing with his friends, and one of them got a shock variant. He wasn’t interested in it, so he passed it to my Dad, who passed it to me. I still have that pistol somewhere among my characters. I’m not sure who it is though.

1) BFG - Original Doom (Video)

This is it. My number 1 favorite video game weapon, and quite possibly the dumbest gun in all of virtual reality. Even back in the early 90s, the BFG was the king of overpowered stupidity. One shot, and everything dies......except for the strongest demons, who are probably shaking in their boots after seeing their infernal comrades turning into crimson waste. Even hearing the gun fire causes any demon to have chills go up their spins, as they wish they would be dead so they wouldn’t have to be hit by the giant green ball of annihilating energy. I cannot describe thing further, as the BFG speaks for itself.

So this was my top 15 favorite video game weapons list, not to mention the conclusion of September content. October is coming, and that means Halloween anime & heavy metal reviews are coming. So see you on the first of October, when we’ll look at a series......that was a tough one to sit through. See you then!

MTG Birthday & Retrospective: Time Spiral

Hey fellow Otaku & Metalheads, and welcome back to my 2nd-year anniversary celebration!

Every once in a while, it’s nice to get away from the anime & metal music, and talk about other things in my sphere of geeky influence. Perhaps one of the longest-standing nerdy hobbies I’m into, is Magic the Gathering! I’ve been playing this iconic card game since the late spring of 2004, and while I’m not the greatest player there is, I’m none the less a big fan. Around the time that my uncle passed away in 2006, I had been playing for a little over 2 years at that point. Even then I was still taking it all in, but it was an experience I thoroughly enjoyed.

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with my grieving process, and that’s a fair question. I had gone through 3 sets at that point: the infamous Kamigawa (Might talk about that one day next year), the original incarnation of Ravnica, and the momentary but frosty Coldsnap. The set I’ll talk about today was an interesting one to be sure, and definitely changed the landscape of Magic for quite some time. So sit back, strap yourself in, and enjoy my take on the dimension-warping Time Spiral. Enjoy!

Time Spiral (2006)

Okay, let me paint a picture: it’s 2006, and Magic has gone through a whirlwind. 2004 & 2005 saw the reign of Kamigawa, and while that set was loved by some, many others hated it. The set introduced some powerful cards to the game, but many of them almost broke the game, while others practically dominated over so many decks. 2005 & 2006 saw the arrival of Ravnica, and that was loved by many players, despite the powershifts with each set. 4 guilds in the beginning, 3 others in the middle, and the 3 remaining guilds at the end. In the summer of 2006, we saw the return of the ice age with Coldsnap. It was fine, but it really didn’t mesh well with either set.

Then, rumbles in the space time continuum were being felt. MTG players were seeing flashes of the past. The rumbling continued, until September of 2006, when we finally saw what was going on, as Wizards of the Coast revealed the source of this distortion....Time Spiral! Released on October 6, 2006, Time Spiral was a return to the MTG blocks of old, bringing back the past to empower the present, and inspire for the future. It was truly an interesting time!

Best Aspect? For starters, the throwback to the past was awesome! Like I said above, I had only been playing a little over two years, and didn’t know about many sets prior. With the look back into the past, it was almost like a history lesson for me. It was this set that got me interested in collecting older cards, and in Christmas of 2006 I managed to get 3 older pre-built decks (1 Onslaught, 2 Apocalypse) because of this!

Secondly, Time Spiral reintroduced old mechanics, & introduced new ones. Classic mechanics like buyback & morph returned to strut their stuff once more, and new mechanics like suspend, flash & split second adding to the time flavor of the set. Suspend let you play a card cheaper, but you had to exile it, and over the course of a few turns remove time counters to get it onto the battlefield. Flash was simply an official word for cards that could be played like instants, but it’s great to see more time flavoring. Split Second allowed you play a card & it can’t be countered, which represented the warping of time that couldn’t be altered.

Third, creature types that haven’t been seen for years have returned. The classic & terrifying Slivers, the wild Spellshapers, and the anarchistic Rebels all come back to show the young-ins some stuff, but there were new creatures that were representatives of classic cards. Chief among them was the Magus cycle of wizards, with Time Spiral’s set of magus cards taking on the powers of old artifacts. My personal favorite being Magus of the Disk, a wizard wielding the power of one of the strongest artifacts ever seen in the history of MTG.

Lastly, Time Spiral had a subsection of cards known as Timeshifted. Essentially a subset within a set (More on this in a bit), these cards were older cards brought back, but with modern wording & border changes. A new color variant was used as well, in the form of a purple hourglass (The hourglass was the symbol of Time Spiral). Some timeshifted cards were good (Akroma), others were bad (Giant Oyster), but for older players they were all fond memories. As for newer players, it showed them why the older fans loved the game so much. Also, these timeshifted cards changed the amount of card rarities within a Time Spiral booster: originally it was 11 common, 3 uncommon, and 1 rare. With a Time Spiral booster, it was 10 common, 3 uncommon, 1 rare, and 1 timeshifted. Foils were also changed in Time Spiral (As well as future sets), with them now replacing a common.

Worst Aspect? Two things that really gave me issues. The first is just how big this set is! Excluding the timeshifted cards, there were 301 cards, which isn’t bad (It was normal at the time for beginning sets to be this big). With the inclusion of the timeshifted cards, and additional 121 cards were added onto, making the total a whopping 422! The amount makes this beginning set rather overwhelming, as collecting 1 of every card is a monumental task.

The second issue is more on my end. I was up in Watertown for my Uncle’s funeral, and the first week of previews for Time Spiral was during that. Yeah, I was up there for the whole week! In the ensuing process, these previews kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth, and it took a month or two before I was warmed up to the opening of this strange block. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have connected this time to the preview of Time Spiral, as it has become one of my favorite MTG sets ever.

And while it’s not necessarily a “worst” aspect, I should state that Time Spiral wasn’t well received by newer MTG fans. They felt that the nostalgia throwback to older sets were rather alienating, and while it brought back some older gamers, the set wasn’t as successful as Mark Rosewater had hoped. In fact, in his State of Design 2007, Mr. Rosewater said that the throwbacks left the newer players out of the loop.

Time Spiral. A blast from the past, and a glimpse of what was to come. Old & new magic fans will find something to enjoy. Next set!

Planar Chaos (2007)

Time Spiral, while a fun beginning set, left a tiny bit of a bad taste in newer player’s mouths. Like I said above, the usage of nostalgia alienated some people, and it seemed like it may have done more harm than good. Their, the present of these players was shifting ever so slightly. Suddenly, it seemed as if things they once knew were changed in some way. Nope, it was just Planar Chaos. Released on February 2, 2007, Planar Chaos was another trip through Magic’s history. Whereas Time Spiral was all about the past, Planar Chaos was more about the present. Actually, it was more about alternate timelines. Iconic characters from magic’s past have returned, but due to the changing of the past, they’re different somehow.

Best Aspect? A fun aspect of Planar Chaos is it’s theme of alternate timelines. It’s interesting to see cards from one time like, only to see them in another. A red Akroma, a blue redeemed version of Braids, and a dark revision of the iconic character Mirri are just a couple of the alternate cards in the set. There was also a group of cards within the set (No timeshifted cards for this set & no alternate color symbol) that were classic cards from older set, but given a facelift. What if Serra Angel was a sphinx? What if Ball lightning was green? What if Wrath of God was evil? It’s fun see the old become new & different in this set.

Magus cards came back in Planar Chaos, only this time they weren’t wielding artifacts from a bygone age. This time around, these incredible wizards harnessed the power of ancient lands. Magus of the Coffers is an example: manipulating the energy once used by Cabal Coffers, it was another way for the past to return to the present, and another piece of nostalgia to be remembered.

Secondly, card distribution is different as well. In this set, 3 of the 10 commons are timeshifted, and one of the 3 uncommon would be timeshifted. Foils replace a common card, instead of replacing it’s respective rarity. Because of this change, it was entirely possible for someone to open 3 rares in a boosters. I never had this happen to me, but I know of people that had this experience happen to them. This comes across as more ridiculous than Time Spiral boosters if you ask me!

Finally, you’ve got 2 new mechanics introduced in Planar Chaos: dual cards & vanishing. Dual Cards technically aren’t from this set, as they were originally introduced in the 3rd part of the Invasion block & the original Ravnica block (Dissension), but PC marked the first time that they were used outside of their introduction. They were basically two cards printed on one side, and you could only play 1 of them. They each had a theme & 2 different methods of harming your opponent, so there was plenty of variety to be has. Vanishing was a fun way of representing the erosion of time upon someone. Like suspend, a permanent with vanishing had time counters , but instead of coming into play when all the counters are gone, the permanent is destroyed unless you somehow have a means of rescuing it, or at the very least prolong the card’s existence.

Worst Aspect? If anything, I always though that Planar Chaos was a rather lazy middle set. I definitely like the idea of alternate presents, as there’s certainly plenty of story idea. On cards, however, it’s really just rehashing old cards in different colors. Like I said above, there was some fun rule changes & alternate cards, so I truly can’t complain.

Planar Chaos. Maybe not the strongest or my favorite part of the Time Spiral block, but one that has some interesting cards, and has some fun if you like alternate timeline stories. Next set!

Future Sight (2007)

Finally, now we’re getting to my favorite part!

Considering that this set dealt with the past & present, it seemed only natural that the future would be dealt with at the end......and that’s exactly what we got! Released on May 4, 2007, Future Sight was the culmination of everything that was happening in Time Spiral & Planar Chaos. In the book, it was the climax of all the time distortion, old characters have returned, and a ancient evil returns to start machinations that would affect the entire multiverse. Card wise, Future Sight offered the most unique, varied, and downright out-there cards that the Time Spiral block has to offer.

Best Aspect? For starters, worlds collide in this set.  All of the mechanics from Time Spiral & Planar Chaos return, but the then current mechanics from newer sets of the time are here as well. Hellbent & Forecast from Dissension make appearances, sometimes interacting with other mechanics, sometimes on their own. The comedy set Unhinged provides inspiration for a number of cards in this set as well, only these inspired cards are actually usable & practical. Case in point: Barren Glory is a direct copy of The Cheese Stands Alone.

Secondly, the idea of vision of the future is really used to surprisingly good effect. Like Time Spiral with it’s vision of the past, and Planar Chaos’s take on alternate timelines, Future Sight gives predictions of, what else, the future! Over the top mechanics, creatures & spells no-one has ever seen before, and glimpses into possible worlds! Even the long rumored Planeswalker card type was to make it’s appearance in this set, but the design wasn’t done in time, and was instead placed in the Lorwyn block a few months later. Lastly, there were 5 legendary creatures that came from the future, and they were all the offspring of famous iconic figures from the past. Baru, Fist of Krosa comes to mind: the son of Kamahl, the barbarian turned druid, Baru wields the power of his father to tame the wild around him, and if you have multiple copies of him, you can take advantage of his Grandeur mechanic, and discard those copies to create wurms for your army.

These futuristic timeshifted cards also had a new design for them. As you see above, the mana was shifted to the left side, color in the background was altered, and there were symbols used to represent what the card was (Claw marks for creatures, etc). It’s a shame that this new design wasn’t implemented, as it would make for a refreshing change to the faces of the cards.

Finally, the Magus cycle returns for one final hurrah. Instead of manipulating artifacts or harnessing lands, these wizards handle the power of iconic enchantments, giving them a mystic aura stronger than their artifact & land counterparts.. It wouldn’t be right to talking about enchantment-manipulating wizards in a set about the future, without talking about Magus of the Future: cool artwork, relatively low mana cost, and an ability that any blue player would love!

Worst Aspect? About the only bad thing I can say about Future Sight is that it was the most gimmicky out of the parts of the Time Spiral block. While many of the new mechanics were implemented in future blocks & sets, far more were really just created to be one-off gimmicks to attract people to the set. The grandeur mechanic that was used on the 5 legendary creatures immediately comes to mind for me, but there were others as well that were just designed to stay in tone with the “future” theme. Like I said above, it actually works well, and as I said in the Planar Chaos portion, I really can’t complain.

Future Sight. The oddest & weirdest part of a equally odd & weird set. If there was any part of Time Spiral that you should collect & get into, it would be this one.

So this was a look at something else that helped my grieving process. Time Spiral was an odd, funky, strange set, but one that appealed to the nostalgia of the old players, while enticing new players with a glimpse into the past. See you all next week, when you’ll see a “top 10” list that’s larger than normal. Until then, I hope this trip to the past brought some fond memories back for all of you.




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If you’d like a history lesson about the history & impact of Time Spiral, check out the link below:

The Mana Source (Time Spiral)

My Top 5 Highest Viewed Posts (At This Time) No. 2

Welcome, fellow Otaku & Metalheads, to the 2nd anniversary of the Heavy Metal Otaku blog!

I’m still riding off of the emotions of my Metal Overview on Ministry from a few days ago, but September is a new month, and I’m gonna put up a bright face! To show off this face, I’ve got some celebration posts to get up here, starting off with another edition of my top 5 highest viewed posts. This is definitely a weirder collection of reviews & lists, and you might do a double-take in the process of looking at this. Anyways, let’s dive in, and see what this year’s top 5 highest viewed posts are. Enjoy!

5) Convention Review: Connecticon 2015 (Currently at 38 views)

As with my original list last year, I searched through my entire collections of reviews, lists, and other random posts to see what you guys were looking at the most, and we start off this list with a look at Connecticon from last year. The way I wrote it, to what I liked about it, almost seems like night & day. Even my temper in both reviews was different, but I don’t think I need to explain why. Getting that out of the way, I liked Connecticon 2015, and that’s all I got to say.

4) Anime (Episode) Review - Monster Musume Ep. 1 (Currently at 40 views)

Now this one has me baffled. I reviewed the full show in October of last year, but took a look at the first episode in August around the time that the series began airing. You would have thought that my review for the full series would have had the higher amount of views, but this is probably the Twilight Zone, so we got the reverse. I will gush about Monster Musume forever, and in the review of this episode I definitely did that!

3) Convention Review: Genericon 2016 (Currently at 42 views)

I kinda admit I hit a small nerve with this one. When I wrote this, I said in the “bad” section that it was a shame that Robert Alexrod was asking for money for his autographs. When I put the link for the review on Genericon’s Facebook page, I got into a small tit-for-tat with someone who went to the convention, but truth be told I’ve basically forgotten how things ended. As far as Genericon this year, I liked it a lot. Way more so than Connecticon this year, that’s for sure. The changes to the Dealers Room & Registration were huge, and made the con this year feel far more larger than it was in prior years. A great con to start 2016.

2) My Top 10 Books (Currently at 74 Views)

I said this when I put this out way back in January, and I’ll say it here: this one was a challenge. It’s not that I didn’t know what was going to be on there, but more as to how I would present them. It’s amazing that this top 10 list got so many views as it did, since I didn’t expect some of you to like it. Regardless, I thought that this was one of my more intriguing top 10 lists, and was a lot of fun to get up. I’ve got a companion list for this a few months down the line, but I can’t spoil things yet. Despite not spoiling things, my top 10 books probably gave you guys some new reading material, so there’s that.

1) Metal Overview - Turmion Kätilöt (Currently at 84 views)

Really? This is the currently highest viewed post on this blog? Okay then, I guess.

Truth be told, I’m more surprised than anything. The bands I covered before were very popular, so covering a group that not many people here in the states would have heard of was a big risk. Judging by how many views there are, I may have been wrong. The second challenge of this Overview was finding information: Turmion Kätilöt come from Finland, and info about bands from foreign countries can be tricky to locate. Even Wikipedia had a hard time, but despite the difficulty I managed to do it. The more views this overview gets, the happier I’ll be.

So these were my tip 5 highest viewed posts no. 2. Certainly a stranger bunch than last year, but the stranger the better. Anyways, I’ll see you next week for part 2 of this 2nd celebration of the Heavy Metal Otaku blog, where we’ll look at something else that helped me out a decade ago. Don’t worry: it won’t be anywhere as depressing as a few days ago. See you then!



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If you’d like to see what my highest viewed posts from last year were, check out the link below.

Top 5 Highest Viewed Posts (At This Time)

Metal Overview: Ministry

Hello fellow Otaku & Metalheads, and welcome to my 9th metal overview!

I have to admit, I had some trouble with today’s overview. I had trouble with it objectively, and I had trouble with it emotionally. I had to balance the two as I typed this up, and suffice it to say, it was challenging. Somehow, I was able to do it, but it wasn’t easy. It also doesn’t help that I’m releasing this on the 10th anniversary of the death of my Uncle Randy, and if you recognize that name from my top 10 singers & bands post, you’ll know who the band in question I’m looking at is.

Yes, today marks the day that I finally look at Industrial Metal titans Ministry. Perhaps it’s appropriate that I’m looking at Uncle Al & the boys today, as it seems to be a strange yet fitting tribute for my own uncle. Since 1983, Ministry has been cranking out some of the finest album in this intriguing subgenre of Heavy Metal, and while they’re not necessarily perfect (Yes, I consider my no. 1 band imperfect), the band help me out through what I consider to be perhaps the darkest point of my life. Without further delay, let’s take a look at Ministry, a band that helped put Industrial Metal on the map!

With Sympathy (1983)(Album)

As I stated back in my overview on Korn, there’s 2 schools when it comes to bad albums: get them out of the way early so the band can get to the good stuff, or get them out later when a band has developed a reputation. In regards to With Sympathy, it is most definitely the former. Released on May 10, 1983, With Sympathy is Al Jourgenson’s most hated Ministry and with good reason. According to him, Al has said that the management at Arista Records was pressuring him to go in a synthpop direction, as that genre was highly popular in the early 80s. Further giving proof to the “pressuring” angle, Al even sang in a faux British accent, along an ex-wife says otherwise. Teaming up with founding Ministry member Stephen George, the two set out to create one of the most hated records in the Ministry catalogue. It was so hated, Uncle Al maintained for years that he destroyed the master tapes, but in 2012 it was re-released by Eastwood Records with 3 bonus tracks.

Best Track? As much as I’m not fond of this album on the whole, there are some tracks that I do enjoy. Say Your Sorry, I’m Not An Effigy, and Revenge are the tunes in question. Maybe it’s because of how cheesy they are, but something about these songs elevates them above the rest. Revenge in particular is interesting, as there is a sliver or two of what Al Jourgenson originally envisioned when forming Ministry. It’s still 80s cheese, but it’s the kind of cheese that isn’t completely bad for you.

Say Your Sorry

I’m Not An Effigy

Revenge

Worst Track? Pretty much everything else! With Sympathy is an example of album that was made because of company interests, stifling the potential of a new band. This release has stained a flawed but otherwise excellent discography, and deserves every bit of hate & criticism it gets! I can only recommend this record to anyone who’s a fans of hokey 80s pop music, not Industrial Metal. Next album!

Twitch (1986)(Album)

With Sympathy was an awful taste in Al Jourgensen’s mouth. There was no heart & soul in the music he made, as it was just corporate 80s pop shill. It took a few years, but Uncle Al eventually managed to break free of his contract with Arista Records, and land himself in the camp of Sire Records (Owned by Warner Music Group, and distributed by Warner Bros. Records). After granting far more control to Jourgensen that Arista did, Uncle Al got to work on what would become his second album, Twitch. Released on July 8, 1986, Twitch was a far more darker & aggressive record than it’s predecessor, as it went in a more EBM direction than With Sympathy. I love this album, as this is the product of Al Jourgensen’s talent, not the waste that record company interests pump out on a nearly constant basis. There’s rhythm, aggression, soul, and a kind of atmosphere that could only have come out of the 80s.

Best Track? Just Like You immediately comes to mind for me. Long before the band’s time in the mid-2000s, Uncle Al was writing & creating songs that outright criticize the system in this country. In this track’s case, Just Like You attacks Ronald Reagan & his presidential run at that time, going after him like a pack of hungry wolves. There’s some great beats & rhythms being used, and the atmosphere is just perfect. Just Like You is clever, witty, and definitely a classic!

Just Like You

Worst Track? If you wanted to be incredibly picky, the only bad thing one could point out would be the remnants of With Sympathy’s 80s pop sensibilities. All of the songs on this album are great, but every once in a while you might hear a sliver of synthesizer, or you might hear Uncle Al slip back into his English accent for a second or two.

Twitch. Completely wiping the slate clean of With Sympathy, and marks the true birth of Ministry. 80s Industrial can’t get better, or can it? Next album!

The Land of Rape and Honey (1988)(Album)

With his second album done, Uncle Al continued forward with Ministry, becoming more aggressive & heavier with each track, and The Land of Rape & Honey shows this change in direction. Released on October 11, 1988, The Land of Rape and Honey actually marks the first time that Ministry attempted at mixing Industrial with rock music, as opposed to the first two albums, which were more electronically-based. Ironically, Only 3 songs on this album actually use guitars, but I don’t have a problem with that. Since it’s release, The Land of Rape and Honey has be sited by Uncle Al as his favorite Ministry album to make, and it influenced a wide variety of bands, including Slipknot & Linkin Park. As for the origin of this album’s name.....well, I’ll leave it as a mystery.

Best Track? Stigmata is an absolutely weird track: it’s only 1 of the 3 tracks to have guitars, and the vocals are incredibly disjointed & warped. You can rarely tell what Al Jourgensen is singing, as it almost always comes across as a garbled mess. However, I strangely don’t have a problem with this. There’s a strange cohesiveness to everything, as the garbled vocal work mixes with the guitar & drumming. The effects used mesh well with everything also, and the end result is a sloppy yet focused song.

Stigmata

Worst Track? As far as the mixing was concerned, I found the combining of Industrial & Rock/Metal isn’t perfect. Like I said earlier, only 3 songs used guitar, and the rest was still along the Industrial/Electronic. The end result is rather disjointed, as The Land of Rape and Honey doesn’t quite seem to know what it wants to be.

The Land of Rape and Honey. Not a perfect Industrial & Rock/Metal combination, but a good step in the right direction. If origin stories are your things, this CD might be for you. Next album!

The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste (1989)(Album)

After the venomous assault that was The Land of Rape and Honey, Al & the boys got to work on their next album, The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste. Released on November 14, 1989, The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste was a far more hardcore & guitar-driven record, more-so than the previous album, and began using themes that would become popular in later Ministry albums (Political Corruption, Drug Addiction, etc). The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste peaked at number 163 on the Billboard 200, but was eventually certified as gold by the RIAA in December of 1995 for sales of over 500,000.

Best Track? Thieves was always a favorite of mine off of this album. I was always impressed by how well the Industrial & Speed Metal aspects mixed, as each side meshes well with the other. There’s slower parts for the Industrial Metal fans, and there’s speedier areas for the Speed Metal fans. The best of both worlds!

Thieves

Worst Track? As with The Land of Rape and Honey, the Industrial & Metal elements aren’t quite mixed well. In this record’s defense, however, the mixing is far better here than in the previous record. There’s a much more solid identity, and it seems that Uncle Al’s vision of what Ministry is to become is coalescing into something greater.

The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste. A greater record than it’s predecessor, yet still finding it’s way in spots, but a peer into the future as well. Definitely recommended. Next album!

Psalm 69: The Way to Succeed and the Way to Suck Eggs (1992)(Album)

What Ace of Spades was to Motörhead, Psalm 69 is to Ministry. Released on July 14, 1992, Psalm 69 is the result of a band that was ever so slowly turning the volume knob up to 11, and breaking the knob off! Fans were experience some fine Industrial release before (Excluding With Sympathy), but this album was different. This album helped shaped the landscape of Industrial Metal in ways that few albums, not to mention few bands, have ever been able to accomplish. Al Jourgensen’s musical vision was always going in many different directions, but in my few, said vision was focused on this album. All of the trademarks of Industrial Metal can be found here: rhythm, pounding instrumentation, sounds & effects, and vocal work that comes from a gritty machine. There hasn’t been many Industrial albums like this since.

Best Track? It’s gotta be the title track! Psalm 69 is strange in the fact that there’s hardly any vocal work at all, although what little singing there was is incredible blasphemous, and quite venomous. Psalm 69 is an exercise in atmospherics, using sound snippets from classic films like Altered States, The Pit and the Pendulum, and Suspiria, creating a very moody & operatic-like track. It’s haunting beat complements the heaviness when it kicks in, creating an unforgettable song that’ll be remembered throughout the ages!

Psalm 69

Apart from this, pretty much everything else is 24-karat gold. You’ve got the protest song N.W.O., The drug-filled Just One Fix, and the drunken mess that was Jesus Built My Hotrod. There’s practically no bad track on here. The only thing one could say, looking back in hindsight, was that Psalm 69 was that it may have set the bar a little too high for the band. Ministry beforehand was making some great records (Apart from With Sympathy), but they didn’t necessarily change the game. With this album, it completely floored everyone, and transformed the Industrial Metal landscape, creating a lot of hype for Ministry in the process. Regardless of the consequences, Psalm 69 is a classic metal album, and one that I would recommend in a flash. Next album!

Filth Pig (1996)(Album)

Psalm 69, as remarkable of a landmark album, planted the seed of desire within the fans. They were completely floored by how phenomenal the music was, and were hungry for more. Unfortunately, this desire came with a dark side, as they wanted the band’s next to be along the lines of Psalm 69, and really wouldn’t completely accept anything else. What Ministry fans got instead, however, was Filth Pig. Released on January 30, 1996, Filth Pig was released amid some of Al Jourgensen’s darkest days. His drug & alcohol addiction was getting worse, and his relationship with his wife was strained at best. These dark emotions eventually found their way to the music on this record, and it shows. Despite being Ministry’s highest rated album in the United States, reviewers typically gave it a negative score, divided the band’s fanbase, and overall was a commercial failure. It was enough of a failure that Ministry never toured for Filth Pig, and to me that’s a shame. Much like the album after this, Filth Pig is something of a underrated gem. It’s filled with some great music, but if the artist was in a better term & people weren’t hungry for past successes, it may have done better.

Best Track? Lay Lady Lay was always a charming tune in my opinion. This track starts a strange tradition, in which Ministry makes cover tracks that don’t necessarily follow the letter of the original, but somehow manages to stay true to the spirit. It’s got a groove that evokes the memory of the 60s, but with a modern (Modern for the mid 90s, at least) twist that keeps the song relevant. A good slow drinking song, or a good track to listen to when you & your loved one happen to be close.

Lay Lady Lay

However, honors must be given to the title track! Filth Pig is an absolutely dirty track, befitting of it’s nature. It’s also reflective of Al Jourgenson’s mood, as he really wasn’t in a great state. It’s masochistic, self-depreciating, and most definitely filthy!

Filth Pig

Worst Track? Really the atmosphere of Filth Pig is it’s biggest problem. While the albums before had a dark nature, they really didn’t feel like you were getting dragged through the mud. With Filth Pig, you are at the bottom of the barrel with all the muck & grime, and you’re just getting dirtier & more depressed with yourself as you try to climb out. I’ll talk about this a little more in detail with the next album, but suffice it to say that this CD is a tough one to sit through!

Filth Pig. A great album, that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don’t let the haters get in your way, and listen to this record. Next Album!

Dark Side of the Spoon (1999)(Album)

What World Coming Down is to Type-O Negative, Dark Side of the Spoon is to Ministry. Released on June 8, 1999, Dark Side of the Spoon is Ministry’s most underrated, underappreciated, and most misunderstood album in the band’s discography, but you need to understand where Al Jourgensen was coming from: his wife left him, taking his daughter away, having to pay an alimony (A big alimony, if it’s to be believed from his book), drug & alcohol addiction spiraling out of control, and coupled with the suicidal thoughts he was having at the time, he was in the worst possible spot at his point in life. However, like Pete Steele, depression leads to inspiration, and thus Dark Side of the Spoon was born. 10 tracks of some of the most depressive Industrial Metal ever put to CD, indeed this album is a tough sit through, as Al Jourgenson is just dumping everything in his mind on the table for all to see, and he doesn’t care how pleasant things look.

Best Track? Bit of a 3-way tie between what I consider to be the best songs of the album: the brutal & sadistic Whip & Chain, the Doom Metal-like sludginess of Kaif, and the sadomasochistic Vex & Siolence. These song best represent what Dark Side of the Spoon has to offer, and what kind of mood this album provides.

Whip & Chain

Kaif

Vex & Siolence

Worst Track? Pretty much my only problem here is the same thing I said about World Coming Down: the overtly bleak nature will be a major turnoff.....although, if I wanted to be a little honest, I don’t think this does the “Depressive” thing as well as the previously mentioned album. Make no mistake, I meant everything I said earlier: this is a dark album with some serious emotion. However, it seems like Uncle Al is dragging his feet through this album, almost as if he doesn’t want to get unstuck, and just wants to wallow in misery. It’s the worst kind of mood to be in. Trust me, I went through this once.

Dark Side of the Spoon. A sadly overlooked album in Ministry’s discography, but one that has some of the darkest Industrial Metal that’s ever been made for one’s ears. If you can handle some dark stuff, then this will be the album for you. Next album!

Animositisomina (2003)(Album)

Fate is a strange thing. Often when we think we’re going down one direction, fate comes in to put us on another. When it comes to the curious case of Al Jourgensen, fate threw him for a loop! By 2002 the divorce between him & his wife was finalized, his drug was practically in control, and thoughts of suicide were constant. Just when he was about to pull the trigger (He got a gun from a dealer, claiming it was to “shoot a crappy dealer”), a little nudge towards a brighter tomorrow came in the form of a small slip of paper, with a phone number on it as plain as day. The number was for a woman that Al knew from years prior, and out of a weird quirk, he gave the number a call. He did know what was in store.

Upon the call, the two reunited, and then Al’s life began to heal. He paid off his wife’s alimony, kicked his heroine habit, re-figured his own money, and got to work on Animositisomina, his.....second least favorite album, which is oddly surprising to me. With his very first record, I can definitely understand. With Sympathy was manufactured by corporate interests, and as such really doesn’t have much in the way of heart & soul. This one, however, surprises me. That said, Animositisomina’s recording session wasn’t a smooth ride: because he was kicking his heroin habit, he was in a lot of pain & quite irritable. On top of that, him & longtime engineer/producer were not on good terms anymore at this point, enough to the point of leaving one song incomplete (More on this in a moment). Uncle Al even left most of the recording up to Barker himself, apart from 1 track. Despite this, there’s far more cohesiveness within Animositisomina. Maybe it’s because of Al kicking the drug habit, or wishful thinking, I’m not sure. 

Best Track? Impossible & The Light Pours Out Of Me make for a nice duo on this record. I can only assume that these were songs meant to represent what Al Jourgensen was conveying about his drug problems, with Impossible representing the challenging of going cold turkey, and The Light Pours Out Of Me acting as a metaphor for detoxification. Ironically, the previously mentioned track isn’t an original piece, but instead is a cover of the rock group Magazine’s original version. The original version is alright, but Ministry’s just take it up a notch that Magazine simply can’t reach.

Impossible

The Light Pours Out Of Me

Worst Track? Leper is perhaps the only bad track on here, as it’s the only song to not have lyrics. It’s a shame there’s no vocal work, as the 9-something minute long tune practically screams for someone to sing. Without vocals, Leper seems to be more of an experiment in effects than anything else.

Leper

Animositisomina. Like Dark Side of the Spoon, this one’s an underrated gem. Dig past the dirt, and there’s definitely something to enjoy. Next album!

Houses of the Molé (2004)(Album)

From here on out we enter what I call Ministry’s “Bush” years. From 2004 to 2007, the band wrote some of the most politically scathing music of their entire discography, and the first of these was Houses of the Molé. Released on June 21, 2004, Houses of the Molé is the most gimmicky of the 3 Bush-bashing albums, and the only album to not get a spot on the billboard 200. Because of the slower sales, the band left Sanctuary Records, and hooked up with 13th Planet & Megaforce Records. Another unique aspect of Houses of the Molé is it’s more Thrash Metal orientation, sharing the spotlight with the Industrial Metal base of the record.

Best Track? No W makes for a great opening tune, and bucks the gimmick trend that the rest of the album follows. This song definitely fits in the Thrash Metal category of this album: with just a couple Industrial threads sewn in, this is one of the most headbang-inducing songs in Ministry’s track catalog. In many ways it mirrors N.W.O. off of Psalm 69, with it’s Thrash oriented beats & rhythm. Coupled with a nice music video, and you got something memorable.

No W

Worst Track? Really my biggest gripe is the goofy gimmick that this record goes for. With the exception of one song, every other tune on here starts with the letter “W”. Given what the band was trying to do, I can understand why they’d use this gimmick, but I don’t think this album has aged well since it’s release (More on that later) because of this.

Houses of the Molé. Maybe the goofiest of the Bush-bashing releases, but one that still has some potency today. Considering the political landscape of the United States right now, perhaps it’s time for this record to come back (Along with it’s brothers). Definitely recommended. Next album!

Rio Grande Blood (2006)(Album)

Rio......Grande.....Blood. As many of you know this was my first album I discovered from Ministry. You’ll also know that this was the album that got me through the death of my uncle. I’ll admit that I have a biased view of this record: released on May 2, 2006, I discovered this in the summer of 2006, right around the middle of George W. Bush’s 2nd term, and if you know your political history, you’ll know that this was a chaotic time. In recent year’s I’ve rediscovered Rio Grande Blood, thanks in part to the increasing collapse of politics, and I needed some kind of balm to heal the wounds. Even to this very day I consider this record to be the most potent of the Bush-bashing trio, as much of the music on here can still be applied to what’s going on now. It doesn’t help the fact that this record reinforced my hatred of Republicans, but I’ll leave my feelings out.

Best Track? LiesLiesLies. The very first song I discovered that fateful day when I was flipping through the TV channels, and I happened to catch it as I landed on MTV. The song itself kind of reminds me of No W from their previous release, with it’s mix of Thrash & Industrial, not to mention it’s strong political message. In the case of this song, LiesLiesLies is a song about 9-11 conspiracy theories, and while it helped with my grieving, that’s not what sealed up the would. It was a string of lyrics from about halfway through the song, and they are as follows:

“Don’t listen to me/Listen to your pain/Don’t listen to it each & every day”

LiesLiesLies

Worst Track? Yellow Cake is perhaps the only song I can’t seem to listen to. It’s got great instrumentation & vocal work, but thanks to one sound effect that they use throughout a majority of the track. It’s this high-pitched kind of thing that I can’t describe, with the only thing I can say about it is that it just seems to echo after the song is done. It’s been a while since I forced myself to listen through it all the way, so maybe I don’t dislike it as much now.

Yellow Cake

Rio Grande Blood. Quite simply the best Ministry album to have come out in the mid 2000s, and is a record I still hold close to me a decade after I discovered it. Next album!

The Last Sucker (2007)(Album)

By 2007, things were slowing down for Ministry. Al Jourgensen had formed a new record company (13th Planet Records), and he wanted to leave at the top of his game after signing some bands to the group. However, he still wanted to take one last stab at George W Bush, so he was gonna make it his bloodiest hit yet. So on September 18, 2007, The Last Sucker was released. Concluding the anti-Bush triology, The Last Sucker was not without a tiny bit of controversy: on July the 17th of the same year, a promotional copy of the album was leaked, and a week before lyrics and full credits for the album were released by SureShotWorx on their official website. The leak really didn’t seem to do much, as the album was typically favored by fans & reviewers.

Best Track? The Dick Song. Why.......cause I’m immature.

The Dick Song

Worst Track? If there’s anything negative to be said about this album, along with Houses of the Molé & Rio Grande Blood, is that they’re rather dated. Musically they’re still fantastic pieces to be sure, but because they focus on a particular president & political time, they’re kind of like a weird time capsule to the emotions & feelings of the mid/late 2000s. This doesn’t stop me from liking The Last Sucker, and it’s makes for a great conclusion to a classic musical trilogy.

However, the conclusion of this trilogy was not without some tragedy. On October 20, 2007, longtime Ministry conspirator & friend of Al Jourgensen, Paul Raven, died shortly after his arrival in France from an apparent heart attack. The death of a friend really shook Uncle Al to the core, and this shakeup convinced him that perhaps it was time to end the band, so that’s what happened. The band was done, and a reunion seemed nothing but a pipe dream. However, some titans can’t stay down, so let’s all suffer....a little relapse.

Relapse (2012)(Album)

Yeah yeah, I used a pun. During the time that Ministry was done, the group recorded & released 2 excellent cover compilations (Cover Up & Undercover, respectively), but a Ministry reunion was still a fantasy in the mind of fans. Al Jourgensen said in a interview with Hustler magazine in November 2008 that (apart from the death of Paul Raven) Ministry broke up was because that it took up so much time, it was a hassle to get out new albums, and that Uncle Al was responsible for six other bands and can get seven albums done a year while not working on new Ministry material. However, the fantasy of the fans finally came true, and on August 7, 2011, Ministry returned to the music scene, stating that they were performing at Wacken Open Air 2012. In addition to this appearance, Ministry announced that they were working on a new album, with a potential release date around Christmas time. Then, on March 23, 2012, their new album Release was released to the public. A fine return to the metal scene, but a flawed one.

Best Track? 99 Percenters always stuck a chord with me. While I wouldn’t say that Uncle Al wrote the strongest lyrics for this track, he sure as hell put in a strong message; rich bankers must pay! See this song first got put out as a single around the time of the whole “99%” issues was going on in around late 2011, when the average joe-schmo was getting jipped by the various corrupt banking establishments. You can definitely feel the anger that Uncle Al put in here, as he just seems to speak to you as the song goes on, trying to find a connection with any who would listen. While a little dated, it still holds quite a bit of power here in 2016.

99 Percenters

Worst Track? Truth be told, I always thought that this was one of Ministry’s more weaker albums. Bad?.....absolutely not! Relapse is the sound of a band coming out of hibernation, hungry & ready to rock! However, Uncle Al & the boys seem to be a little slow in places (Instrumentation, Vocal Work, etc), almost as if they haven’t completely come out of hibernating. Still, for a return of a legend, this definitely fits the bill!

Sadly, as with The Last Sucker, tragedy would strike again. On December 23, 2012, Al Jourgensen’s closest friend & longtime collaborator Mike Scaccia died on-stage due to a heart attack, which in turn was related to a previously undiagnosed heart condition. Al Jourgensen couldn’t handle the death of another friend, and decided to end Ministry for good. However, Ministry still had some gas left in the tank, and they sure as hell was gonna use it. So let’s take a look at From Beer to Eternity, and see how they decided to go out.

From Beer to Eternity (2013)(Album)

Despite the death of Mike Scaccia, there was a silver lining in the tragedy. In the weeks leading up to his death, he, along with Al Jourgensen, Sin Quirin (Guitarist), Tony Campos (Bassist), and Aaron Rossi (Drummer) entered Uncle Al’s 13th Planet Records studio at El Paso, Texas. The group recorded 18 prototype tracks. According to Uncle Al: "We have never, in the history of Ministry, ever had a tracking session like that before. Everything went so smoothly, it was surreal." Following the funeral of Mike Scaccia in Dallas, the remaining band members spent three months in the studio to finish the final touches. Then, on September 6, 2013, From Beer to Eternity was released to music stories all over. To me, this album is far stronger than it’s predecessor: the band seemed far more unified in the making of this album, and after Mike’s death, this unification became even stronger. It also makes for a strangely appropriate concluding record, as it has the right balance between finality & strength.

Best Track? On a personal level, I think Permawar & Change of Luck are two great tracks. Permawar is similar to 99 Percenters, but goes for a more general direction with it’s political commentary, attacking both sides in a equal manner. Change of Luck is a bit different: in a weird way, this is the softest song on the album. I use the world loosely, however, as Ministry still goes bombastic throughout the track, but the emotion that was put in somehow mellows things out. Paired together, the songs work great with each other, as they complement each other’s instrumentation & energy.

Permawar

Change of Luck

Worst Track? Honestly, there aren’t any bad songs. The only bad thing about From Beer to Eternity, is that this is it, there’s no more Ministry albums. The band might be touring, and there are rumors of a new album, but it seems like we may never seen a new record again.

From Beer to Eternity. A great way to end a legendary career, the music on here is definitely unforgettable. And so Ministry’s iconic career was put to rest, but that didn’t mean Uncle Al was done with music. So let’s take a look at what was up in his neck with the woods.

Surgical Meth Machine (2016)(Wikipedia)

After the splitting of Ministry, Al Jourgensen’s life took a sad turn. In February of 2014, Uncle Al checked himself into rehab, and got himself clean, but not without divorcing from his second wife. Shortly after the divorce, he moved out to California in an attempt to start a new life. With people hounding him as to the future of Ministry, he had no desire to get back into the band.....but that didn’t mean he was done with music. Teaming up with Sammy D'Ambruoso, who had worked with Al on some of Ministry’s later output, the two got into the studio, and on April the 15th from earlier this year. The two conceived this album as a tribute to Mike Scaccia, and wanted all the songs to mirror Side FX Include Mikey's Middle Finger (TV 4) off of From Beer to Eternity, and have the tracks clock over 220 beats per minute. Things changed within the project, but I’ll get to that in a little bit. Despite the change, Surgical Meth Machine is a badass record, as it has the old-school Ministry sound but with modern production.

Best Track? Tragic Alert! The first single put out for the album, Tragic Alert has the polish of modern metal, but the sound & vibe coming off of the song is old-school Ministry at it’s finest! I can tell you that I’ve had the volume turned on my headphones to maximum, and let me tell you that I was afraid my ear drums would burst. Once again the political & social themes that compose most of later-day Ministry come through here, as Uncle Al vents his frustrations about the constant violence in the United States, and how nothing is being done to stop it, or at the very least slow it down. It may not have the strongest lyrics, but it does have a strong message.

Tragic Alert

Worst Track? While there aren’t any bad tracks, the pacing of Surgical Meth Machine is somewhat off. Before this album was even announced, Al Jourgenson said in interviews that he wanted to create “The Fastest Album” ever, and when it was finally announced that Uncle Al was starting a side project, fans were in eager anticipation. The result was only half of what was promised: definitely a fast record in spots, but in other areas it kinda slows to a crawl almost. I can’t completely complain however, as Uncle Al got himself a medical pot card when he moved out to California, and....yeah, you see where I’m going with this.

Surgical Meth Machine. Maybe not the speed demon we were promised, but none-the-less is still some brutal & awesome Industrial noise for the ears. Definitely recommended. Next album!***

AmeriKKKant (2018)***

With Uncle Al working on his side project in 2016, and the thoughts of a proper Ministry record seemingly a dream, it was an incredible shock to hear that the band was finally putting out an actual album. Before beginning work on the album in February of last year, Al Jourgensen stated in April of 2016 that a followup to From Beer To Eternity was possible if the circumstances were right, and he broke up Ministry because people kept pressuring him & asking questions about the band after his longtime friend & compatriot Mike Scaccia had passed away. Then, on March 9th, 2018 (Originally scheduled for late 2017), after a 5-year gap, AmeriKKKant was released to the public.

For me, AmeriKKKant is something of a spiritual successor to their concluding record in their George W. Bush bashing trilogy, The Last Sucker. Ditching the idea of going for Donald Trump's throat directly, Uncle Al & the rest of Ministry decided to go for a more indirect approach this go around, and went after the circumstances that led to Trump's rise to power (Followers, pop culture, social media, etc) instead. I like this approach, as upfront attacks don't really work out all that well, and it makes you think a little. Reception, however, has been mixed among music critics. Allmusic writer Paul Simpson gave AmeriKKKant 2 out of 5 stars, and had this to say about the album:

"AmeriKKKant finds the industrial metal juggernauts railing against the alt-right, racist Internet trolls, fake news, and everything else to do with the aftermath of the 2016 election. While some of the Bush-era albums found the group reinvigorated after the lackluster Filth Pig and Dark Side of the Spoon, AmeriKKKant is just a depressing slog through and through, perfectly summed up by its Statue of Liberty faceplant cover art."

Best Track? Bit of a tie between the anti-war track Wargasm, the weird & warped nature of Twilight Zone. The former has guest vocalist Burton C. Bell (Frontman of Fear Factory) provide sexually-charged monologues mixed with warfare terminology, and the line between sex & ceaseless war continues with Uncle Al & the rest of the band, as they unleash a salvo of beats & droning vocals. The later has a creepy 2-minute intro, complete with the warping of Trump's words, D.J. scratching from Guest D.J. DJ Swamp, some impressive cello playing from the Lord Of The Cello (Sample material here), and the rest of Ministry comes in strong with Uncle Al's vocals, the instrumentation, and the impressive use of sound effects. In comparison to the worst song on the album (More on that in a sec), these two are titans, and really should have been the first singles instead.

Wargasm

Twilight Zone

Worst Track? Antifa might be the only bad song on AmeriKKKant. It was the first preview track from the album, and it was an incredibly bad choice. Al Jourgensen's vocals aren't up to snuff when compared to everything else on this album, the political message is just garbage, and while the instrumentation & sound effects aren't terribly bad, they don't hold up against everything else on AmeriKKKant. At the same time, I give Antifa sort of a weird form of respect. Again, the politics are some of the worst that Uncle Al has ever sung about, but I love anything that pisses off the Left & the Right at the exact same time. Don't believe me? Just check out the comments in the link below.

Antifa

And if I can say just 1 last thing.....

Mini Food For Thought/Thought For Food: Really!!??
- I just about fucking laughed when I saw the comments on Antifa when it first came out. Really jerkwads!? You think Al Jourgensen hopped on the popular politics bandwagon cause it's easy!? In case any of you jackasses read this, you should know that Uncle Al has always been like this. Uncle Al has always been pro-left & anti-right, and even when his albums weren't overly political, he always managed to add a dash or two in some songs. As one user on Youtube said, this really showed who were real Ministry fans, and those who were wining & bitching like little children.

AmeriKKKant. It's got a bruise or two, and some of it's politics might be in bad taste, but this record is awesome. If Kreator's Gods Of Violence from last year represented everything about 2017, then this album might represent everything about 2018. A contender for the number 1 spot on my top 5 albums list, and one of my favorite releases of this year so far. Most certainly recommended!

Moral Hygiene (2021)****

Despite Amerikkkant dividing some of the fanbase, it didn't deter Al Jourgenson & the rest of Ministry. For the rest of 2018 & the next year or two, the band would engage in a couple of tours, all the while stating that they were working on new music. Then 2020 happened, and whatever plans they had for more touring were effectively taken behind a shed and shot square in the head thanks to COVID. However, being in isolation gave Uncle Al and the rest of the boys time to further record & produce their 15th studio album. Then on the 1st of October, 2021, Moral Hygiene was released to considerably more fanfare than it's predecessor. As much as I like what the band released in 2018, Moral Hygiene was what Amerikkkant should have been: strong, confident, and not a complete knee-jerk reaction to the times. Sure, I'm all for anti-Trump media (Amerikkkant was one of the few good examples in my view), but looking back in hindsight there was a bit more behind the scenes that either side admits.

Best Track? Believe Me is a curious little ditty. Throughout most of the song, Uncle Al is singing in a low voice that just sends chills up your spine, but you can understand everything he says, and it also carries with it a huge weight of power. The instrumentation reflects this also: absolutely heavy in every which way, but plays in a manner that mirror's how Uncle Al sings. It's a weird little number that I can't completely describe, so why not give the song a try, and see what you think!

Believe Me

Worst Track? None! Every single track on Moral Hygiene is a banger of a tune. Like I said earlier, Al Jourgenson feels much more confident on this album than the one before it, and this confidence has resulted in stronger instrumentation and vocals, better recording and production, and more relevant political & societal connections than anything on Amerikkkant.

Moral Hygiene. A considerably stronger record than the one that proceeded it. Even if you were a fan of Amerikkant, I have a sneaking suspicion that once you put this album in whatever player of your choice, you'll probably get a huge kick out of it. So try it will ya!?

So that was a look at the Industrial Metal legends Ministry. Are they perfect? No, but what they did for me back in 2006 was more than I could ever imagine, and for that I’m eternally grateful. This one may have been a downer for some of you, and I apologize. To make it up for you, the 2nd-year anniversary of the Heavy Metal Otaku blog will be much more upbeat. See you in a few days for that!



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Updated on March 11, 2018, 1:02 P.M. (Eastern Standard Time)

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Updated on November 8, 2021, 8:00 P.M. (Eastern Standard Time. I forgot to post the time when first updating, so this is just a guess)

5 Thrash Albums You Should Own

Hello fellow Otaku & Metalheads.

As you know, this past Monday I posted up the final review of the Summer of Thrash, detailing the EP of Canadian thrashers Razor. However, in the ensuing process I realized I didn’t do any “Suggestion” lists throughout this festival of Thrash Metal. I was considering a suggestion list of songs, but I felt it wouldn’t be enough, so I decided to got for a list of albums instead. Not “top” albums mind you: these are albums that I’m suggesting to buy & listen, not as a way of ranking which is better. Also, I didn’t want to fill this list with albums taken from this festival, although there are at least 2 records I reviewed that’ll be on here. With that out of the way, here are 5 Thrash Metal albums you should own (and listen to). Enjoy!

1) Kreator - Endorama (Sample Song)

I have to admit I’m cheating somewhat with this album. I’ll get into more detail in my eventual review (Or part of a overview), but this isn’t a Thrash Metal album. It’s more along the lines of Gothic & Industrial Metal, with only a few threads of Thrash sewn in to keep things a little recognizable. You’re probably asking then, why I’m putting this album on here? That’s easy: it’s because it serves as an example of a Thrash band experimenting with different things, and being successful at it. It definitely got a fair share of criticism when it came out, and it still gets some mud thrown at it today. However, it still has a lot of polish & quality put it, so if you want something different from one of the big 4 of Teutonic Thrash, then Endorama is a great choice!

2) Slayer - Repentless (Sample Song)

Another classic band, Slayer has certainly weathered the passage of time. For better or worse the group is still around, kicking ass & taking names. I’ll admit I was never a fan of the group (Mostly cause I thought it was noise), but I respect them for the legacy they made for themselves. Come April of this year, and I caught sight of a copy of their 2015 release Repentless on sale at a F.Y.E., and it was then that I decided to jump on board with the band. I’ll admit that buying this record was more of an impulse than anything else, but maybe it was a “Happy” kind of impulse. A great release from one of the Big 4. Speaking of Big 4........

3) Metallica - Ride The Lightning (Sample Song)

That brings us to this familiar face. Considering that I looked at Megadeth back in June, you’d think I would include them on this list. As tempting as it was, I’ll save them for another time. Instead, I decided to put Metallica’s more Thrash-ladened album on this list. Their first record was equally tempting to place here, but that was more speed oriented, and I felt it would clash with everything else (Ironic, given that Endorama is on here). Anyways, Ride the Lightning is a class Thrash album, cementing the legacy of what once made Metallica so good. I can only hope that the album that’s coming this year finally lives up to their old legacy.

4) Sodom - Tapping the Vein (Sample Song)

You saw me gush about this album last month when I looked at Sodom’s entry into the 90s, so I’ll try not to repeat much.....okay, maybe I’ll repeat some things. This is the greatest Death/Thrash album that’s ever been put to a CD! Thrash Metal beats & rhythms, Death Metal brutality & violence combine to create a unique album that stands out within the sadistic sounds of Sodom. If I didn’t discover Tapping the Vein around the time that my Mom was in the hospital, then it’s possible that I wouldn’t hold it in as high of regard, but I’d love it all the same! 

5) Motörhead - Overkill (Sample Song)

Of course Motörhead was going to be here. You knew that the progenitors of Thrash Metal/Speed Metal was going to get onto this list, and you knew that Overkill would be the album to represent them. Overkill is pure metal history, released at a time when the genre was still getting onto it’s feet & establishing it’s identity. Yes, the album is almost 4 decades old, but the power contained within each & every song is still potent, and can get an entire room to headbang furiously. If you decided to venture in the world of Thrash Metal, or Heavy Metal at large, Overkill is the album you must listen to.

So this truly concludes the Summer of Thrash. I had a lot of fun doing this, and I hope that any of you that looked at these enjoyed reading thing. I’ll be taking most of the rest of August off, but right towards the end I’ve got a rather somber Metal Overview in the works. See you then!